Just A Dream
by twilightgirl80
Summary: Bella and Jasper are supposed to get married after Japer comes home from war. But he doesn't come home. What happens if they meet again, years later? My first JxB story
1. Chapter 1

_1863_

_I was walking down the aisle, holding my bouquet of stargazer lilies. They were my favorite flower. My veil was covering the happy tears that sprang from my eyes as I walked up to Jasper. My smile was blinding to all of the others besides Jasper because his smile was just as blinding as mine. I clumsily tripped over my long white dress, catching myself right away, but a blush washed up to my cheeks a second later._

_ I heard chuckles all around me but the only one I could focus on was Jasper's soft laugh. It always sounded like bells to me; bells on a crisp Sunday morning. It made me blush even deeper. Only I could trip on my wedding dress walking up to my husband-to-be. Jasper was wearing his military uniform. The thought of him at war always made me weak in the knees but this time it made my heart burst with pride._

_I walked toward him proudly now, my steps sure. But the closer I got the farther Jasper seemed to get. He started to fade, his face becoming less clear and I started to walk faster and faster until I realized I was in a flat-out-sprint for the alter. I screamed his name, my tears of joy froze on my face and turned bitter and my voice wouldn't carry. I couldn't scream and my legs wouldn't move any quicker. I screamed._

Isabella woke with a start, panting as hot tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. Her hair was stuck to her cheeks and caught in her mouth. She sat up; her body shaking as memories of the day before constricted around her, digging their tendrils deep into her heart.

Jasper was gone.

Her Jasper, the reason for her life, was gone. Carefully she pushed the soggy strands of hair from her face and walked unsteadily to the bathroom and stared at the girl in the mirror. She looked like hell. She had been waiting for the post man to come for days now. Each night brought new terrors, and each morning brought new hope. She knew she was going to get a letter because she had sent one a few weeks before. Her heart fluttered with happiness as she spotted a man on his horse riding up to their home.

Not caring that she was dressed in nothing but a thin nightgown still sticking to her body from the sweat, sprinted through her house and out the door and down the porches steps barefoot into the snow, unable to hide the stupid grin on her face. When she reached the man she stopped short, stubbing her toe on a sharp rock as she stumbled to a halt at the feet of the man's bay horse.

The man was an was an officer dressed neatly in a blue uniform just like Jasper's. The one she had watched him leave in. The one he was supposed to return in. It was the last time she had ever seen him. Officers only visited soldier's homes for two reasons: to alert the family that the soldier had earned an honor or to alert the family of a death. This man's face was tight and official. This man did not come to share the pride of an honored soldier.

"Ma'am," the officer said as he carefully dismounted his horse. He turned to Isabella and removed his hat, pressing it over his heart. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

In that moment the world stopped. There was no war. No bloody toes and no nightmares. There was no dead soldiers and no men to come and tell a family that they had lost a son, brother, father, lover. There was only the way it was supposed to be. Where everyone fell in love and everything turned out okay. No one died. No one was left alone . . .

Isabella swayed on her feet, her toe throbbing and her head spinning. She felt sick. She was going to throw up. She hit her knees and felt the gravel bite into her flesh, but it didn't matter. Jasper was gone. What mattered?

The man knelt down beside her and took her hand gingerly. In a gentle voice he told her how Jasper had gone to battle and hadn't come back. They had looked everywhere but they haven't found him and it had been too many nights in the cold. There was no way he could still be alive. Isabella didn't remember how she got back into the house or how her feet had ended up wrapped in thick blankets and her toe bandaged. Maybe the officer had done it, she didn't know. A small sack of Jaspers things lay by her feet. A sheet of paper folded neatly on top; a note from Jasper.

They had to have his funeral without his body. There was to be no proper barrel. Isabella would never, could never, say the proper good-bye and that killed her. They were never going to get married.

"It was just a dream..." She whispered, hugging her arms tight around herself and squeezing her eyes shut, trying to pretend it was Jasper holding her tight.

Isabella had to do the burial tomorrow. Tomorrow was one week away from the day Jasper was supposed to come home, one week before they were going to get married, one week before it was all going to go right, one week before they were to be a family, one week. . . just one week.

Isabella waddled back to their bed and lay down and curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest and smothering her face into Jasper's pillow. She inhaled deeply, desperate the draw something of him out of the pillows, desperate for one more whiff of his smell. But it had fading away, just like as he had. Isabella couldn't stop the sobs that wracked her body. They came in waves of agony, slicing deep into her soul and leaving gashes that would never go away she was sure. She punched the pillow and pulled at her hair, she wailed long into the night until her sobs became hiccups because she had no more tears to cry. No more energy to shout and throw things.

She was alone now. She had nothing to live for.

Her eyes were puffy from crying, her body sore from convulsing, her lips and throat raw from screaming. She lay in her bed, a heap of broken dreams and lost promises. Then a thought occurred to her. She had forgotten about her letter that was found with Jasper's things. It was on the floor where she had dropped it as she slowly made her way to their room. When she had caught sight of it she stared at it, not sure if she wanted to read it just yet. To read Jaspers last words seemed to hold a terrifying finality for her. Like maybe if she just pretended it didn't exist he would come riding home on his gray gelding. Reading the letter would make it final—would make it _real._ She whimpered and hiccupped at the thought of that. Either way though, she knew, he was never coming home.

She decided to read it, hoping it would ease the pain in her chest somewhat, but she didn't have real high hopes for that. Crawling out of bed she slowly walked to the piece of paper. With shaky fingers she carefully opened the letter.

_My Sweet Angel,_

_If you are reading this, it means I didn't make it home, and for that I am truly sorry. It kills me to think that I didn't make it home to you, but my angel we will be together again I just know we will. Please don't think different. We will be together I can feel it. Until then, please take care of yourself. Live a happy life; find someone that makes you happy. I won't be angry; I just want you happy. My sweet angel, please know that you're never alone. I'll be in every beat of your heart as you face the unknown. Wherever you fly, this isn't good-bye. My love will follow you, stay with you, angel you're never alone. Please don't be angry with me about my decision of leaving for war, you know I needed to do this._

_Live a happy life my sweet angel. I love you more than life its self._

_Jasper Whitlock_

Isabella crushed the letter to her chest, new tears piercing through the exhaustion.

Happy?

He wanted her to be happy?

Without him?

How could he even think of something so impossible? She started down the stairs not wanting to be alone anymore; she needed someone to talk to about this. It was too much to handle. She grabbed a cloak and pulled on her boots and bolted for the Cullen's house.

Esme and her husband Carlisle had come to Texas not long after Jasper left with his regiment, and Isabella and Esme had become the best of friends not long after they met. Carlisle and Esme had moved down from the North for a job. Carlisle was the best doctor in town. Isabella knew that better than anyone, since she was a natural born clutz who could trip on a flat stable surface. She visited Carlisle often, it was how she and Esme first met.

Isabella knew that Carlisle and Esme were not from the South because they talked a little different, and that the rest of the town resented them, but she didn't care. They were her friends, and right now they were all she had left. She also noticed they both had eyes like she had never seen before. Both Carlisle and Esme's eyes were a deep ocher color, and they're skin was flawless and pale. They wore long sleeves and pants even in the muggy climate of the south. They barely went out when the sun was out which seemed odd to a lot of people, and when they did they wore hats and clothes that covered every inch of their skin. It was weird, but Isabella didn't judge. To each their own.

Isabella ran as fast as she could to the Cullen's house, her tears freezing to her face. Once Isabella was at their house she knocked on the door as lightly as she could, but they came off as heavy thumps against the wood. When no one came right away she kept pounding on to ornate door until her knuckles were swollen.

Suddenly the door swung open and both Cullens stood in the doorway. Carlisle looked like he was on his way to the clinic. "Isabella dear, what's wrong?" Esme asked, her brows pinched together at the sight of Isabella.

"Jasper's . . . gone . . . he's gone Esme!" Isabella squeaked through her tears. She collapsed against Carlisle, taken over by another round of sobs. Carlisle wrapped his arms around Isabella as she cried into his chest. His face was tight with concern.

Esme's cold heart ached for this girl. She motioned for Carlisle to release Isabella and she pulled the sobbing girl against her chest and ran her fingers through her hair to soothe her cries. She muttered softly and shushed Isabella until her sobs quieted and her body relaxed. Carlisle and Esme exchanged worried glances. They could hear something that no one else could. A tiny fluttering heart in Isabella's womb. Isabella was pregnant. She didn't know hers and Jasper's baby was growing inside of her. Esme pulled Isabella into her and Carlisle's home, and sat her down onto the couch.

"Isabella, breathe . . . please try to calm down. Good, that's it. Breathe, pet. Everything will be alright. Shhh, please calm down, Jasper wouldn't want you to be like this." Esme murmured, still running her fingers through Isabella's frozen hair.

"He wants me to be happy without him!" Isabella wailed. "How can he ask that of me? How can he ask me to just carry on like he never happened? What has he left me to live for other than his ridiculous letter!" Isabella thrust the letter into Esme's face. She hadn't even realized she was still holding it.

Esme gently pried the crumpled piece of paper from Isabella's hand. It took her about a second to read through it. When she finished she raised her eyes to Isabella's, her chest tight with sympathy. "Oh, Bella," she murmured softly. "I am so sorry."

Isabella told Esme how the man came to her house to tell her about Jasper. How there was no body for Isabella to bury tomorrow. How she didn't know where else to go or what to do. As Isabella explained her situation, a pair of eyes was locked on them in the distance. Someone was watching them far from the house in the woods. He was watching them with disgust, an ugly scowl plastered onto his handsome face. How could they be talking together like nothing was wrong? The man snarled at the thought of the other two protecting the young human.

When Isabella was finished she was still shaking visibly. Esme brought the girl to her chest and let her cry. Esme couldn't believe Jasper was gone. They had so many plans for their future. It wasn't fair such a kind person end up with such a fate. She worried about Isabella and how she would take his death later on after it had really sank in. Thoughts of her jumping into the frozen river or fashioning a noose haunted her mind. Right now it wasn't so good for Isabella to be alone, especially since she had no idea about the baby. A feeling trickled down Esme's spine. She glanced out the window. It was getting dark outside.

"It must be terrible to be in that house alone, huh?" Esme whispered into Isabella's hair, still staring out the window.

"I think I'll get used to it after a while," Isabella croaked. "But maybe not," she added a second later.

This only reinforced Esme's fears. "Stay with us, Bella. At least until you're better. It's getting dark anyways."

"Oh no Esme, I can't be a bother..." Isabella tried to protest weakly.

"You are not a bother, silly girl. and I would feel much better if you would stay for a few days." Still, the feeling clung to Esme. She wrapped her arms tighter around Isabella. "You'll be safe here."

Isabella was in no mood to argue so she agreed. Isabella was asleep in Esme's arms when Carlisle came home. Esme could tell by the hardness in her husband's eyes that he too had noticed something wrong. He stared at Esme for a long moment and she nodded, confirming his thoughts. Esme laid Isabella down on the couch and moved towards Carlisle. When she reached him they embraced, wrapping their arms tightly around eachother as Esme buried her face in the crook of Carlisle's neck.

"I love you." She whispered.

There was nothing in this world that could remind you how much you loved someone more than watching someone else lose who they had loved. It was a reminder of how cruel this world was, and of how unhesitant it was to give happiness, and then steal it back.

"I love you too, Esme." He kissed her hair.

"When is she going to find out about the baby?" She asked, glancing at the sleeping girl.

"She's a few months along now if we can hear it's heart. She has to have noticed she's been missing her monthly. Morning sickness should be coming along shortly. I'll tell her then."

"I hope nothing happens to the little one. It would kill Isabella if anything happened."

"I know. We will make sure everything goes smoothly."

Esme nodded, kissing her husband.

_The Next Day_

Isabella woke up feeling sick; she managed to get outside before she doubled over and deposited yesterday's lunch in the clean white snow outside the Cullen's house. She stayed like that for a minute, doubled over in the snow, as yesterday's events swirled around her. Slowly she stood up and looked down the road. She could just barely see the tip of her roof. There was no smoke rising from the chimney. The fire must have gone out. She wondered if it could ever be a home again. If things could ever gain back their normal flow without Jasper present to hold her together. She felt like she was coming unraveled.

"Is everything alright, dear?" Carlisle asked, seeing her standing barefoot in the snow.

"Just a little sick, I think it's just from the crying and...since you know it's..."

Carlisle nodded not making her finish. "If it gets worse let me know."

Isabella nodded and slowly picked her way back to the house.

Today was the funeral.

She walked straight to the bathroom, not bothering with breakfast because she didn't feel like she could keep it down. She splashed cold water onto her face and stared in the mirror. She might as well have gone to war herself. Her eyes were swollen and red-rimmed. The tip of her nose was bright pink and her lips were raw not to mention the searing burn in the back of her throat. Her cheeks were blotchy and tear stained. Her hair stood out in all directions, some matted to her face. All in all she stared into the blood-shot eyes of a terrified looking child. She didn't know who she was today, or would be ever again.

She didn't want to see it. She turned and grabbed a towel and draped it over the mirror. She smiled and her lips cracked. She tasted blood. With sore hands she yanked a brush through her hair and smeared some kohl around her eyes to hide the redness. She slipped on black dress, black shoes, and tied her hair back with a shiny black ribbon. She put on the necklace that Jasper had given her years ago when they had first met. It was a silver heart locket. She would cherish it forever. Rubbing the locket between her thumb and forefinger as she made her way down the stairs, she locked eyes with the Cullens who were waiting at the door. She paused at the last step.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Carlise asked softly. "It's not like they gave you a lot of preparation time."

Isabella simply nodded. She would never be any more prepared to face this than she was now. Jaspers death would never be okay.

Isabella started walking down the icy road, not wanting to take a carriage, looking around the familiar roads and dragging her feet as memories flooded her mind.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, she covered her mouth to quell the sobs. She passed the creek where they had first met and became best friends, passed the bakery where they had their first date, the tree that they had had their first kiss under. When she finally got to the church half the town was already there. They all turned to watch Isabella walk down the aisle, and she couldn't help but think that she should have been dressed in white . . . this should have been her wedding where she was supposed to walk to Jasper to become his wife.

Not to his death.

Isabella couldn't listen what was going on around her. Most of the time she stared at her hands. Her knuckles were bruised. When she felt someone give her a folded flag she held it to her chest like it was her lifeline. Each bullet fired seemed to be aimed directly at her heart. With each shot she winced a little more, with each gunshot her ears rang a little louder, and his death became that much more final. When the ceremony was over everyone came to Isabella offering their condolences, and telling her how amazing Jasper was. Isabella couldn't take it anymore, she felt sick. She walked away from everyone still clutching the coffin flag started whispering.

"Jasper, my love, how could you leave me? You promised that you would come home, you promised! I hate you for leaving me, I hate you!" She sobbed, pressing her tears into the flag.

Isabella felt something tickle her ear and heard: "We'll be together again, my love." It was Jasper's voice, she could have sworn he was right here. She whipped around, but no one was there.

Isabella whipped her head around looking for the source but there was nothing, she squeezed the necklace.

"Jasper?" She whispered hopelessly.

Esme and Carlisle found Isabella on the ground, shivering in the snow and vomiting. Carlisle picked her up with ease and ran back to his home, laying her down on the bed. He left and Esme changed her into some night clothes and left the room to let her rest.

"Carlisle do you think she will get better?" Esme asked, her voice thick with worry. "She's so heart broken."

"She will, just give her time." He glanced into the room where Isabella was sleeping fitfully. "You don't die from a broken heart." He paused, then added: "You only wish you could."

Two days later Carlisle had told Isabella that she was with child and Isabella couldn't be more happy. She had promised to stay healthy and take care of herself. He hadn't left her alone after all! She still had a piece of him, and she would never let anything hurt that. This baby was a living testimony of their love from one another. Isabella moved back to her home once Esme was sure she wasn't going to hurt herself.

It was nice to be home and find solace in the familiar rooms. However, Isabella always had the nagging feeling that she was being watched. The midwife that visited when Carlisle couldn't said she was just paranoid because of the baby. Isabella figured she must be right.

Every night for nine months she dreamed of Jasper, waking up every morning from the same sad dreams, bleeding every night from the same loose seams. Always whispering, "It was just a dream..."

_Nine Months Later_

Her baby was gone.

Her little Jasper.

Gone.

Her little baby boy had looked just like him in his few moments of life, the only thing that was Isabella's in him was the color of his hair. As soon as she saw her baby boy she named him Jasper Jr. When she had looked into that little boy's eyes she had seen her future in them, and in those moments she had seen the light in his bright blue eyes dim, his little hand fall away from her finger, and watch as the last breathes left her baby boy forever.

For many days she stared at the wall. He was gone. There went her life. There went her future, her everything, on that day she kissed it all good-bye. He was her life. Isabella couldn't sleep at night, she couldn't eat, couldn't move. She fell very sick after the death of her baby. Carlisle and Esme tried to help her but she didn't want it, she didn't have the desire to live anymore.

Time passed, but the pain remained. It was raining hard outside, the clouds blotted out the blue sky in furls of angry black mist. Thunder boomed in the distance and lightning lit up the sky. Isabella zoned into the storm. It had been a month since the death of her child. She couldn't tak it anymore, she ran towards Jasper's grave sight. Barefoot and barely clothed, her long hair and thin dress clung to her body as she ran. Once she got there she fell skidded to her knees, the gravel tearing the soft skin of her knees and drawing blood.

"I can't take it Jasper, I can't live, I can't be happy. I tried, God I tried! I need you, I need you my love. I can't move on. Everything I love, everything that has made me happy has been taken away from me." She screamed hysterically, pounding her fists against his gravestone.

"Well, pretty little girl, I think I might be able to help you with that." A deep voice murmured into her ear making her shiver. Air colder than winter wind blew against her neck and she shuddered, frozen in place, too exhausted to be frightened, too broken to care who this was or what happened.

She felt lips trail up and down her neck before the person's teeth pierced her skin. Pain like nothing she had ever felt before ripped through her body. It was as if her skin her melting off of her bones. Her blood boiled, her heart pounded, her head throbbed. She wanted to scream, wanted to beg, to run, to get away from this person, but she couldn't. She was paralyzed by it and it seeped into every blood vessel in her body. It burned. It hurt. She was on fire on the inside. Everything around her turned black. Everything disappeared except the pain, oh the pain.

The man pulled away with a dark chuckle, leaving Isabella to die.

* * *

**Here is my first try of a JasperxBella story. I hope you guys will give me a try and stay with me on this story! The songs for this chapter is Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood and I'm Already There by LoneStar. This was beta'd buy my good friend Taylor. So will you comment? Should I keep going? I want a least 10 comments before I add another chapter, so I know people will read it. Sorry guys, I need reassurance on this one. So press that button and let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Isabella longed for death fire licked through her veins, burning her from the inside out as she laid paralyzed in the snow. Her screams echoed through the woods, but no one heard them. The cemetery was too far from town. The Cullens were out of town for the weekend, Jasper was gone; there was nobody to save her from this pain. She was begging for death, for someone to put her out of her misery and let her be with Jasper, let her be happy again.

The thunder couldn't have matched to her screams as they rung through the dark night air. Animals that prowled the night gave her a wide berth, and smaller creatures pressed deeper into their burrows. As she burned she tried to unearth the happy memories of the happy times that she had had with Jasper, her friendship with the odd Cullens, the years with her family that she had lost at the young age of sixteen. She remembered her baby that she had for a very few hours. She remembered every kiss, every sensation, every touch and every moment that she had ever shared with Jasper.

Isabella's heart slowly began to stop, she could feel it, the fire reaching its climax as it engulfed her heart in white hot flames. Her back arched with the agony as it hurt worse, and worse, and worse, and- as quickly as it started it the moment she was conceived, her heart had thrummed to a stop, her body gently relaxed, her lungs empty, her pain gone and her screams silenced, she died.

But she didn't _feel_ dead.

Slowly opened her eyes. Everything was so clear and defined it almost took her—she gasped. Air entered, but her lungs felt hollow and useless. She held her breath but felt no urge to turned her eyes back to the scenery. She could see colors that she had never seen before in her life. Her hair was darker, longer, and fell well past her shoulders. Her body was harder, her jaw strong and set. The curve of her hip was graceful and attractive. She felt a rush slamming through her. She felt stronger, like stone, like she could do anything. She could hear things that she was sure had to be miles away. She could smell things that she has never smelled before in her life. No—_something_—smelled better than anything she had ever smelled in her life. She wanted it. Bad. Her throat burned as if someone was branding the back of her throat. It was mouth watering to her, her mind zeroed in on the smell, her body moving to stand, her eyes wide and sharp, stared at the source of the tantalizing aroma.

It was a boy.

A teenage boy with dark brown ringlets who had lost his mother a few months ago. He was clutching a bundle of flowers in his hands and tears flowing down his cheeks. Isabella could hear the wet thump of his heart, could sense the blood pulsing through his veins, her whole body tingled with such desire that she had never felt before.. Without a second thought she lunged at him. The boy never saw it coming. It took her less than half a second to reach him, and by the time he realized what had happened he was already dead.

Isabella sank her teeth into his throat, shuddering as the warm blood gushed into her mouth and trickled down her chin. When the blood hit her tongue she forgot everything. Nothing mattered, just that she needed _more._ The pain in her throat eased, her stomach felt warm and tingly, like she had just done shots at the pub. Once she had drained him dry she pulled away and looked at his face. It was so white and lifeless. She dropped him and stumbled back like he had just insulted her. What had she done? She touched the blood on her chin and looked it on her white fingertips. The sight of it sent little electrical sensations down her throat. She licked her fingers clean.

She had killed someone.

She regarded the body of the boy curiously. Her teeth had cut through his skin like butter, like it wasn't even there at all. She had killed him, drank his blood for God's sake. She took another step back. What kind of a monster was she? She had killed a child. What would Jasper think of her? A sob escaped her throat, but she felt no tears form. Rage was building up inside her. Rage, confusion, loss, agony. She wanted to leave her body, to leave this cemetery, this world.

She did the only thing she could do.

She ran.

_2010_

Isabella-Bella she liked to be called now- was wondering around downtown Seattle like it was normal for a vampire to be outside during the day.

Yes, a vampire.

She was a monster.

It had taken her a few hundred years to figure it out, to hear enough stories and once the internet came around it was all too clear. She knew, and it killed her that she had had to live this long without Jasper. She had met other vampires, but their looks outdid their charm and her amusement with them soon faded. There was a hole in her heart in the shape of Jasper, no one else fit, and secretly she didn't want them to. But she had to wonder, even if he were here with her, what would he think of her?

She knew how disappointed he would be with her for killing innocent people. She had heard about vampires that drank animal blood instead, but she couldn't do it. It made her feel low and dirty. She loved the sweet aroma of humans, how she could lure them in easily just by her looks and her musical voice. Desire was always the easiest to get what she wanted. Men of the 21st century were, at best, slobbering buffoons wanting a crack at the first hot piece of ass that crossed their line of sight. But no matter how disgusting the men she preyed on might have been, after killing her victim she could always see Jasper's face crumpled in disgust and anger in her mind. It tore at her dead heart. It made her hate herself. She tried starving herself but other nomad vampires made her eat, trying to help her.

But she couldn't be helped.

She needed Jasper.

It was a cloudy day in Seattle. It was the only reason she was out during the day today. She kept her eyes downcast as she walked, but some people caught sight of the burning blackness in her eyes and either crossed the street or picked up pace as she walked past. These humans were smarter. On the other hand, there were those who still let lose wolf whistles and hollered rude remarks about her ass. Her throat burned. She was planning on 'hunting' tonight. She needed a new outfit since she was going to a club instead of finding some idiot on the street, and she had nothing to wear. Her jeans were in tatters her top wasn't much better. She had a number of different outfits at home, but she was bored and wanted a new one. She had the money since in her desperate boredom over the years had she opened a successful flower shop that had branched into shops around the country that were hers to control.

Bella was walking down the street watching couples pass her, their bodies intertwined not paying attention to the rest of the world, just to each other. This time, instead of her throat, her chest went up in flames. Bella was envious of them, desperately envious, wanting nothing more than to rip them apart and kill them. She wanted to take away their happiness just like hers was taken away. As she watched another couple go by she pictured it her and Jasper walking down the busy street of Seattle, not having a care in the world, only each other. Whispering sweet words to each other, stealing kisses, laughing at each other's jokes or going over the time that they had spent together and how much they were looking forward to the future.

Her hands formed fists at her sides. Venom tears built up in her eyes but they would never truly fall onto her pale cheeks.

"I would give anything just for you to be here with me," she whispered to the wind, hoping somehow Jasper could hear her words.

Bella gripped her silver heart locket into her palm, giving it a careful squeeze so she wouldn't crush it. She still had the locket that her Jasper had given her so many, many years ago. It had a faded picture of her and Jasper in it. There was this loneliness inside her that was so relentless. She looked at the picture often even though she had it memorized, but she still needed to see it, she still needed know he had been real.

She needed to know that she wasn't a psychotic vampire that sometimes heard his voice. That it was somewhat okay that she could sometimes feel his touch on her body when she was sad, feel a kiss on her forehead when she was about to burst with anger. He was haunting her in the worst and best possible ways. Some days she wanted him to leave her alone, yet be there for her when she just about couldn't take it anymore.

Shaking his face from her mind, she entered one of the many shops that were in the city. Looking around, nothing seemed to catch her eye. It wasn't a really fancy store. But it had some interesting stuff in the display window. That was where the coolness ended. She wanted something that would standout, something that made her sexy and beautiful; something that she would love Jasper to see her in. It always came back to Jasper; it had always been that way. Some of the vampires that she had met said it wasn't healthy to live in the past, that everyone you know dies sometime and all you can do it keep going.

All except for one.

Spencer was his name. He had found his mate Emma not long after he had met Bella back in 1880.

Spencer had just moved to America when they had met. He came from England he wanted to get away from the mess in Europe, hoping for something more and thinking he could find it in the Americas. He was the first one to make Bella smile, laugh and even had her tell him her first joke in years. It took awhile for all of it to happen and it didn't happen all at once, but once it did happen they were inseparable from then on. He was her best friend.

She told him about her human life; she told him about Jasper and her baby that she had lost; she told him how she was forced into this painful world. In return he told her about what he remembered about his human life and everything about him up until that point in time. He'd had it a little better before he was changed, nothing like the upbringing of Bella.

After a few hundred years together they decided to take their different paths. It was a friendly parting with promises of reunions and self preservation. They promised each other that they would stay out of trouble, much to Spencer's discontent.

She and Spencer had gotten into all kinds of trouble. Bella laughed out loud, drawing a few curious stares from others as she thought about all of the things that her and Spencer had done together, either to each other or someone else. The dirty jokes that they shared with each other were some of the best; most of them would have made her blush if she was human. It was the first time Bella had laughed out loud since she had left Spencer. She had left him twenty years ago, and she hadn't been quite right since then. He was the first thing that had made her feel somewhat "alive", if you could call it that, in what seemed like an eternity. She would never truly be whole without Jasper, but Spencer helped a lot when she was with him.

Bella's laughter ended as quickly as it had come, as if it never even happened, as her features fell back into their usual sadness. Jasper had been gone for 144 years, and his words still played in her head. _"I just want you to be happy."_

She laughed again, but it was bitter, _Yeah back then I also had an easier way out_, she thought, _I would have been happier dead than dealing with this._

If not seconds later she felt a soft kiss on her lips, making her whimper, her still heart contracting, and then snarled in anger. How dare he do this to her? How dare he torture her in the worst way possible and she couldn't even do anything to take it away; to make him stop with the kisses, the caresses, the whispers? Her mind raced and she took a deep breath to steady herself. Her thirst was making her edgy. After all, when she really thought about it, she didn't him to go. She would crack if he did.

It was her last hope, her only reason for not going to Italy.

* * *

He knew he was missing something in his life, his existence, whatever someone would call what he had; he just didn't know what it was. He had been living for almost two centuries and he still hadn't found what he was bothering him. He had been all over the world, met every kind of person he could imagine and seen things that were beyond comparison, and still felt wanting. His best friend Alice wouldn't give him answers and it really frustrated him. He knew she knew what he was looking for; she was a psychic, and was keeping it from him, much to his dislike.

At times the blond vampire had gotten desperate enough to leave his, what Alice called, family, to seek out the reason for his discomfort; to find what it was but never had any luck. He would always return depressed and angry, taking it out on his food, whatever it was he found. It angered him that he didn't know what he was looking for; it pushed his temper to no end that he couldn't even control his own existence. He felt endlessly driven by the hole in his life. He often wondered if it was too late. If it was a something or a someone, or if it was even still around or alive.

What exactly was it? He had a coven that loved him, which had turned into a family slowly over time, he had changed his diet so now he was feeding off of animals so the burden of being a killer no longer sat on his cold heart, and he had a best friend that had helped him when he needed it most. He had everything he wanted but something was still missing. Was it a mate?

Yes, all of the others had someone that they loved. Him being an empath, that is, he could kind of taste and manipulate emotions, knew that everyone loved their mate dearly, would do anything for them, and do anything to keep them safe. Was it the brunette that he had day dreamed about? It was like a memory though, a daydream, maybe not even a real person. He had no idea who this woman was, what was she to him?

He groaned in frustration, "Damn it all to hell." he hissed, pressing the heels of his hands to his face.

He was sitting in his so called room, pacing like a cadged animal trying to think of the reasons why this woman was so important. Who could she be? Why couldn't he remember? Why was she always on his mind, just touching the corners of his memories? Was she important to him at one time? Was it one of the many vampires he killed during his time with Maria? He shuddered at the thought.

"Jasper, quit thinking about it before you give yourself an aneurism," Edward chuckled from downstairs

Jasper growled at him, "_Shut the hell up, Eddie. Stay out of my head."_

Edward growled back at him. Jasper knew he hated that nickname, and used it to piss him off. Edward, being the mind reader in the family, knew all of the turmoil going on inside of Jasper's head. Alice was right by Edward's side to comfort him. Edward was such a baby sometimes. Jasper, feeling their love for each other, balled his hands into white-knuckled fists. He wanted that, he wanted to be loved even after all of the mistakes that he had made, after them seeing all of the scars all over his body, after all that had been done. Could someone really love him after all of that? He didn't think anyone could. He had acted like life, even unnatural life, was dispensable. The emotions around him were too much for him, he couldn't take the buttons they pushed. He jumped from his window and started to run, he didn't know where nor did he really care where he ended up as long as he was away from the house.

Away from the love.

After running for sometime he slowed, not really knowing where he was. Trees were all around him, he figured that he was still in Washington. The forest he stood in was thick with mossy wide-trunked trees. Something was moving in the distance ahead of him. He figured it was an animal and he wasn't thirsty so he decided not to go after whatever it was. He chose instead to go to his spot that he had found when he was hunting one day a while ago. He took off sprinted towards it, moving through the forest with the ease of a well aimed bullet. He slowed when he reached his destination; it was a rocky cliff where once you come far enough out onto it you could see the ocean for miles. It was a calming place that he loved to come to when things became too much or he just wanted to get away from the world for awhile. Once he was at his spot took an unneeded breath and sunk to the ground, leaning against a soft mossy tree and staring out into the ocean, thinking about his brunette angel in peace.

"Are you real sweet angel? Or are you just going to haunt me for all of eternity?" He whispered into the air, half hoping for an answer.

* * *

The music was loud, it stunk of sweat and beer and sex, the lights were dim, some of them flashing in different colors, human bodies moved against each other all around her, and the blood—oh, the blood raced. Hearing and seeing their blood pumping in their veins, seeing the thin layer of sweat on them from all of the moving, tasting the energy in the air, the body heat that surrounded them like an alluring aura. The sensation was overwhelming.

Bella smiled sweetly at her newest victim, he was tall and muscular he had jet black hair and brown eyes just like she had had when she was human. He had been staring at her all night, lust shamelessly glowing in his eyes as soon as he saw her walk into the club. Her tight, blue long sleeve shirt, tight painted-on jeans and heels, her makeup was done perfectly making her blue contacts pop with the colors. She was quite the catch, she knew. Her hair was curled at the ends and her bangs pinned back into a poof on the top of her head. No man could've resisted. The tall man walked over to her, whispering if she wanted to leave this place. His breath washed down her neck. He stunk like booze.

_This was too easy, _she thought, some guilt trickling into her mind as the unbearable burning in the back of her throat reminded her of what she was about to do.

She smiled deviously, swallowing the guilt and letting herself become lost in the perfume of his blood. She agreed on leaving the club, and he took her hand and laced their fingers, he never commented on how cold her hands were. They never did when they were drunk. He pulled her out the door quickly. She could feel how fast his heart was pumping, where all his blood was rushing. Her contacts disintegrated as her venom glands became active. By the time they were in his car she had to take several rapid, calming breathes to tame her feral side. She tapped her fingers rapidly against her thigh.

The man tried to make conversation as he drove, doing his best to be hammered and polite and drive and not be too obvious about his fantasies. After going through two red lights Bella suggested they walk. The man, not really lucid, agreed and parked badly along a no parking zone curb. The two climbed out and Bella took the drunk man's arm as they walked. They turned down an alley and she could almost feel him against her as he turned and pressed his body against hers.

"I want you," he slurred, trailing his lips down her neck.

Bella, disgusted, smiled, "Oh, but I want you more."

She grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall opposite them. He hissed in pain as his back came in contact with the wall but he became aroused with it, he always liked it a bit rough in the bedroom and he had no problem with it now. This, above all, disgusted and depressed Bella. This man thought he was about to be in for the night of his life, when really she was about to take it from him. Bella gave him a tight, wicked smile before placing a heated kiss on his lips, his hands slowly moving to her chest. She growled and pinned them against the wall, not wanting him to touch her not wanting his filthy hands all over her. She was Jasper's; she had always been and would always be _his_.

She heard the man let out a faint groan she wouldn't have heard it if she didn't have her vampire hearing. She smiled against his lips, trailing them down his chin, jaw and finally his throat. His breathing had picked up; liking the torture that Bella was giving him. Bondage had always freaked her out. She didn't like this man. She placed a gentle kiss on this pulse that was torturing her, and then bit down hard on the soft skin of his neck, tainted blood filling her mouth. It flowed down her throat, soothing the burn, and she took it greedily and all to quickly he was drained much to her displeasure. She dropped his empty body to the ground.

Once the high she had worn off, guilt took over in place of hunger. She had just taken a loved one away from somebody. He could have had a family that loved him dearly and she just took him away from them. Just like her Jasper was. She stared at the man's body for a second longer. The guilt was like a weight on her shoulders, making her feel heavy and tired. She wondered if it ever went away.

She had fixed him so it looked like he was murdered; ripping his clothes, taking his wallet from his pocket, messing up his hair and making it look like his throat had been slashed. Once the process was done, she looked in his wallet wanting yet not wanting to know who she had killed. Ryan See was his name.

He was only 22.

She had killed a young, innocent man. Guilt, pain, depression and self-loathing entered her as she left him. She hated herself.

"Please forgive Jasper," she whispered as she ran as far away as she could away from Ryan See.

* * *

**Poor Bella and Jasper! You didn't think that I was going to let them reunite again this soon did you? If you did...sorry, but they're not. I hate leaving them apart so they might come back together soon, who knows? So I want to thank you for all of you that commented making me write this and keep it going so, since I asked for ten last time I'm going to ask the same, ten more please? I'll let you barrow Jasper for a little while. *wink* So this was beta'd by one of my good friends Taylor, and we do not own Twilight but I do however own the plot and a new fuzzy blanket.**

_**Playlist for this chapter:  
**_

**_My Immortal~ Evanescence_**

**_Everytime~ Britney Spears _**

**_Hate Me~ Blue October _**

**_Haunted~ Kelly Clarkson_**

**_My Curse~ Killswitch Engage _**

**_Far Away~ Nickelback_**

**_Here Without You~ 3 Doors Down_**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Twilight, just the plot and a new bright pink sweatshirt.**

_Playlist:_

_My Heart Will Go On~ Celine Dion_

_Enter Sandman~ Metallica _

_It's Been Awhile~ Staind_

_

* * *

_

Jasper stayed at his cliff until late in the night, the stars were even out, it was a rare accession for them to be out. The wind was gently moving his golden locks as if someone was running their fingers through it, caressing his smooth cheek with the softest touches. He craved for it to be real, to have his angel run her fingers though his hair caress his cheek. He closed his eyes and pictured she really was here with him. She had a heart shaped face with chestnut color hair that flowed down to the middle of her back the ends slightly curling, her eyes were a deep brown that were an open door to her soul. She had a button nose, pink full lips that were slightly disproportioned, her top lip a just a hair fuller than her bottom giving her a pouty look. She had high cheek bones that were tinted pink, her skin flawless and pale almost as pale as he was. Her body was like was slim her breast were full yet they weren't overly large her hips slightly wide but nothing to noticeable. She was perfect.

He pictured her with him, his head in her lap as she ran her hands through his hair caressing his cheek. His hands playing with her free hand smiling up at her, his angel smiling back at him making his dead heart warm. Every once in awhile he would kiss her hand or her stomach and in return she would kiss his forehead or anywhere else on his face, but his lips. After awhile of teasing she finally kissed his lips, a soul warming kiss.

It was so real to Jasper, everything ached once he woke from his day-dream. Why couldn't she be real? Why could he really be in her arm, and her in his? Was this going to be for the rest of his existence, living in hell? So close to his angel yet so far away. He let out an angry yet heartbroken roar into the cold air, why him? Yes he has done so many vile things but he didn't know any better, he was just a new born for god sakes and his angel had been with him even then. Telling him what he was doing was wrong, but it didn't stop him from doing them. Slaughtering thousands human and immortal, violating so many women. Every time he did his disturbing work, his angel would be so heartbroken and felling betrayed. With his angel's emotions and the emotions around him sent him into a deep depression and quickly, his sire using him for his powers making him even more lethal with him in his depression. It was how it got is 'God of War' status, taking no prisoners killing without feeling, his own feelings were buried deep inside of him. He was finally saved by Peter and his mate Charlotte, Jasper was planning on killing Peter until he convinced him not to and that there was a better life outside of that holocaust. He didn't believe it at first, but he decided that any place was better than there and Peter already had a plan to leave, he took that chance and left not looking back.

So then why was she still here? He had left that horrid place and he had found Alice and then they found the Cullen's, Alice had found her mate and he had found a new lifestyle that didn't put him into deep regret each time he fed. So what was her purpose? Was he ever going to meet her if she was real? So many questions and not enough answers.

* * *

Bella ran as fast as she could, pushing herself to go even faster-Ryan's face still burned into her retinas. She couldn't get his hands off of her; she could still feel sweaty hands on her waist, his hot breath on her ear, feel his body pressed up against hers, his blood pumping against her body, the feel of his heart slowing as she took his life away. Her emotions buzzed, her senses heightened by the fresh blood. Finally she stopped in the middle of the woods. She wasn't in Seattle anymore, she was a little farther up north. Forks maybe? She wasn't sure. She didn't care just as long as she was far from any clubs or drunks. Forks was a good place to be. It was calm. She hadn't been near there in years. Not since she met Ephraim Black in La Push, at least.

She smiled a little, remembering the older Quileute man. She had run into him when she was still young—at least in this life. The two of them had taken an instant liking to each other even though she could hardly stand the smell of him, and something about him made her uneasy. People of his kind, apparently, knew a lot about her kind, and they didn't like what they knew. It took a lot of convincing on her part to get them to accept her as a non-threat and that she only fed when she really needed to and that she wouldn't hurt any of their people. She wouldn't call him a friend so much as a like a look out for her, a father figure like Carlisle had when she was human. An old emptiness prodded her heart when she thought about Carlisle. He had been her father in so many ways when she was human, and Esme like a mother, since Bella had lost hers. She needed both of them so much, even now she needed them, but they both had to be long gone by now, both dead and rotting somewhere in the ground.

The brunette vampire choked back a broken dry sob as she thought about it. Everyone she had ever loved was truly gone. She was so completely alone. She didn't have anybody besides Spencer, and he could be anywhere these days and he had Emma now besides. He had everything he wanted while Bella was starved for it; to have a mate with her, traveling the world, visiting an isolated island just the two of them. Another dry sob wracked through her body as she stood in the middle of a forest, her loneliness folding in around her tight. A whisper of a touch on her hip and a brush on her lips broke her from her wallowing, turning her churning emotions to semi-peacefulness. Bella turned, her head tilted and eyes half closed, as if expecting Jasper to be right there behind her to take her into his arms and kiss her.

"Thank you, love," she murmured, kissing her fingers and placed them into the air as if she was touching his cheek.

* * *

Jasper finally moved from his spot and headed home knowing Esme would be worried. He had been gone nearly all night. Jasper smiled thinking about his mother figure; she was always there for her children even if they weren't really hers. It took a special kind of person, he thought, to dedicate such love to those who were not her own. She always took care of them; she always listened to them when they had a problem no matter how small or how big it was. She always made sure they were all safe and as healthy as the undead could be, reprimanding them when things got crazy on video game night. She was the perfect mother and she really never got the chance to be one since she had lost hers when she was human and never got the chance to have another one since she had tried to kill herself after she lost the first and then turning into a vampire because Carlisle had saved her shot down the possibility of ever having children.

Jasper took his time on the way home, taking the long way and as he walked through the door he found everyone was talking about going on a family hunt since they hadn't had one in a long time. He sighed at all of the happy emotions swirling around him, welcoming them as they overwhelmed his own sadness. This was another reason why he loved living with the Cullen's: most of them were happy all of the time. Well, most of the time. Rosalie, another blond vampire in their coven, that was a little too self centered and pigheaded and often emitted a bitter I'm-better-than-everyone vibe, but he loved her nonetheless. She always had something wrong with her but she always had Emmett to turn it around even though she didn't like to show it. It was her job to be the ice queen in the family.

"Look who's decided to grace us with his presence," Rosalie said, gesturing to Jasper as he strolled into the room.

Esme sent a smile his way. Jasper bathed in the love she emitted. She was amazing.

Emmett was excited, as he always was, when the family decided to go for a hunt, always looking for a grizzly bear to fight with. "Why can't we just go now? It's not like we have anything else better to do," he complained, leaning back into the couch.

"Because, Emmett, my new clothes aren't coming in until early this morning and I don't want to leave until I get them," Alice said with a tight smile.

"_That's_ why we're waiting? Why can't we go now and then come back early in the morning?" Emmett whined.

"Because they will be here in just a few hours it's already four in the morning."

Emmett huffed and threw his hands up in the air walking away, "I'm going to go play Xbox. Tell me when we are leaving."

All of the Cullen's had smiles on their faces as they watched the bear of a vampire pout and play his video games. "Is everyone okay with us going later this morning?" Carlisle asked, meeting everyone's eye.

"Fine with me," Jasper said shrugging his shoulders and leaning against the door frame of the entrance into the living room.

"It's going to be so much fun!" The pixie-like Alice cheered, dancing excitedly.

"We could be having fun right now if it wasn't for your stupid clothes," Emmett muttered.

"I'm going as long as Alice is." Edward chimed in. Alice sent him a loving smile.

"Whatever, as long as Emmett is going I'm in." Rosalie said, sitting next to her husband and reading her fashion magazine.

"Then it's settled," Carlisle nodded his head, taking his wife's hand walking away.

"Oh and Jazz?" Alice asked.

"Yes, Alice?"

"Make sure you go east when we hunt," she said cryptically, taking Edward's hand and skipping into the living room.

Jasper just shook his head at his best friend, wondering what she was up to now.

_"Any help, Ed?" _He thought.

Edward growled and shook his head no. Jasper sighed and went into his room. All the love and fluff was making him a little dizzy. He grabbed his guitar, something that he had played since he was human, and began to strum the familiar strings. He slung strap over his shoulder as he walked around and played, something old, something new, something that was his own. He played something different that morning, it was low and soft, something sweet, something that reminded him of his angel.

"Come Jasper, we're leaving!" Emmett boomed from the back door.

Jasper sighed and put the guitar back on its stand and went downstairs. "Is it really necessary to yell Emmett? I can hear pretty well," Jasper said, tapping his ear with one finger.

"Yea, it really is. Now let's go!"

"Remember to go, east Jasper, you'll find something good," Alice reminded him softly before taking off with Edward.

Jasper looked at Carlisle and Esme who just shrugged their shoulders and took off after them.

"Well this should be interesting," He said shaking his head as he turned to his left and disappeared into the woods.

* * *

Bella was wandering in the woods when she was hit with the most mouthwatering smell, venom pooling into her mouth. He head snapped in the direction of the tantalizing aroma, a devious grin twisting her mouth. Her throat burned white hot like someone has stuck a hot fire poker down her throat. She needed that blood—she _had _to have that blood. She ran to it, leaving her thoughts behind her as she pursued her victim. The closer she got the more her throat burned, the more venom coated her mouth, making it drip from her lips and slide down her neck. She was so close; she could hear the wet sound of its heart beating, the sound of each breath it was taking. She was very close now. She crept in the bushes being as quiet as she could, and carefully moved them away so she could see what she was chasing. It was a hunter just getting up for the day.

_Huh how ironic?_ Bella thought.

The hunter became the hunted. Bella couldn't stand it anymore, she needed his blood. Before the man had even had the time to flinch his neck was snapped and Bella was already draining the blood from his body.

The blood was just as sweet as it smelled, quenching her thirst, soothing the burn in the back of her throat. Something caught her attention. A smell, a feeling . . . someone else was near. Another vampire was here. A feral snarl ripped from her throat, blood flowing out of her mouth. How dare they come while she was eating? How dare they think that they could move in on her kill. It was hers and hers alone. Possessiveness coursed through her body. That blood was hers and nobody was going to take it from her.

She was able to finish off the rest of the man's blood without interruption, but she could still feel the other vampire. When she felt the presents of the vampire come closer she dropped the dead body and wiped the blood from her face. She turned and saw a blond head moving towards her, his steps measured and sure. Irritated that he had ruined her moment, she moved to the side, hoping to circle around behind him. It worked, or he let it work, but either way she was able to get a good position and take him down. A snarl ripped out of her throat, her hands on the man's shoulders, her legs straddling his lap, face to face with him, using her own weight to pin him. Her hair made a curtain for their faces; her glowing red eyes met his shining golden ones. In that second something snapped inside of her, the animal inside her shutting down all at once. She knew that soft, golden, wavy hair, she knew those high cheek bones, the chiseled jaw, those perfect soft lips. She knew that _face._

"Jasper?" She whispered.

* * *

**They're together! Yay *happy dance* the nickname 'God of War' isn't mine, it belongs to another writer. Sorry it took so long, myself and my beta have been busy. I've just got back from going to New York City, and had an amazing time and now I get to update I hope you like it.**

**I'd like to give a special thanks to:  
imnotajudgexx, Kiwi Marshmallow, natashar, littlenerd, ellaryne, Lovinlife3792, NewTownGirl**

**For the comments they mean a lot!**


	4. Chapter 4

****

**Here is another chapter! Sorry it took so long both me and my beta have been busy with school and crap.  
****I want to thank: NatalieLynn, Midnight-rose19, hyacinthblu, NewTownGirl, Bripearl, Wolf lady 1974, 91, Rose Pound, wolfgirlrules, littlenerd, and ellaryne.  
****Thank you so much for all of the reviews. I'm going for 20 this time guys, I know we can do it! :)  
Here you go...**

I do not own anything, besides the plot and my beta ;)

* * *

Jasper listened to the ebbing heartbeat of the hunter as it became fainter and fainter. The man knew it wasn't sleep taking him under. He knew someone was killing him. The blond vampire ran towards the dying human, hoping that maybe he could save him. He approached slowly, aware of the mine field of emotions he was about to walk into. He steeled himself for the chaos and took one final step closer. Possessiveness, bloodlust, hopelessness, depression, agony, panic, and confusion rammed into his body and mind like a semi into a dog. The force of it weakened his knees, the agony of the man pressed down on him, crushing his chest. But it was not the pain or the confusion of the man that held him; it was the bloodlust, the pure feral impulses that radiated off the other presence beside the man that sent fire raging down his throat and darkened the gold in his eyes.

He pushed himself forward through the brush and saw something, saw _someone_ he never thought he'd would ever see again. It was her. His angel, sucking the life out of the hunter. He is used to death, and the waves of possessiveness rolling off the female vampire held him in his place as the man's heart came to a tragic stop. He can't help but smile inwardly at the irony of the unfortunate situation where the hunter had become the hunted, not knowing the female had grappled the same thought. Without thinking he took another step towards her. She paused, catching sight of him out of the corner of her eye, though she had long ago sensed his presence she was sure.

She let loose a low warning snarl. He heard her warning growl, and he knew he should have stopped walking towards her but he couldn't. He knew it wasn't safe to get closer; before she had had no reason to attack, but now if she wanted she could justify herself as he had invaded her personal space. Just a few yards from her now he finally stopped and watched the angel taking away a life. He watched and stood rigid as the female sucked the final feeling from the man. Jasper felt his pain, felt his last breathe, and could almost feel the final thump of his heart leaving the space around him void of anything but the roiling bloodlust and anger.

The female stood then with her back towards him. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve, smearing the blood rather than clearing it away as she turned her fiery crimson eyes on him. He was in awe as he watched his angel stalk towards him. He couldn't move. It was as if her gaze had frozen him to that spot. Even so, he knew he was in danger. As a general rule of thumb, and perhaps respect, vampires don't infringe upon other vampire's feeding, hunting, territories, mates, ect. He had broken that rule, and she had every right to be royally pissed.

She moved quickly and surely, her movements would have been missed had he blinked. In matter of seconds he was on the muddy forest floor, the angel's legs wrapped crushingly tight around his waist, her hair curtained their faces, her hands pinned his shoulders to the mud. Her face was inches from his, twisted in mid-snarl, but when her eyes caught his her expression froze. Her face relaxed slowly, her sharp red eyes narrowed, her mouth popped open in disbelief. Suddenly a wicked smile broke across her face, a smile tight with the fear that perhaps she was wrong, but one that dared to believe she was not. Her blood-stained lips parted as she took in a sharp breath, her rage melted and her body relaxed against his and she was no longer pinning him, but holding onto him for dear life.

"Jasper?" The angel breathed his name.

He couldn't answer as he grabbed her face in his hands and pulled her lips to his. A shock ran through him as their lips touched, like an old circuit being completed for the first time in many years. The memory of her flashed through his mind. It was the night before he had left for the war. He remembered their shared whispers, the long kisses they exchanged, the caresses of each other's body. He could hear the breathless I love yous as they made love for the final time that night, could see the love in her eyes, and even through the ecstasy of the memory could feel the pain hidden deep within her eyes. The memory changed to when they had stood in front of their old home. Jasper could feel his angel's tears as if they were really falling onto his chest and not just a memory. He locked them down in his mind, running over each one again and again, wondering how he could have ever let time erode them.

He had found what he had been looking for. After all these years he had found it! She was right here in his hands. Jasper pulled away slowly opening his eyes to find Bella's still closed tight, a look of uncertainty on her flawless face. She was afraid it wasn't real; he nudged her nose with his own.

"My angel," he whispered, his thumb moving slowly back and on her smooth pale skin. "My Bella," he knew she was his angel, not just now but had always been, even when they had been far apart she had been there with him. She was his soul mate, and now that they had found each other they were going to be together for the rest of eternity and the thought filled him with such mindless joy that he found himself smiling up at her with the dumbest look on his face.

Slowly she opened her eyes, meeting his dark ones with a gaze amazingly soft compared to the one she had greeted him with, "I see that my nickname is still intact after all of these years." She spoke just as softly just as he had done, leaning a little into his hand.

He smiled back his lazy half smile, "You've always been my angel." Stealing a kiss from her soft pink lips he added, "And you always will be." He leaned down and kissed her again, a deeper, fuller kiss that he felt to the very core of himself. Her touch was like fire on his frozen skin, her kiss life to his still heart, and her love like the comfort of realizing the nightmare has all just been a dream, and everything really isn't so bad. She was like a high to him and he wasn't going to stop, not after all of the time that they had lost.

Bella was a cocktail of emotions, but it didn't concern him. Who wouldn't be after finding the love of her life again after all these years? Her left hand moved from his shoulder to his cheek cupping it just like he had hers. "I thought I had lost you, that I would be enduring this hell without you for the rest of eternity." Bella leaned her head down and rested her forehead against his, feeling for the first time in hundreds of years truly at ease.

Jasper opened his mouth to answer her when they felt they weren't alone anymore, Bella's head snapped up, a growl ripping through her chest as her lips curled into a snarl, exposing her perfectly razor sharp white teeth. She was caught slightly off guard when she caught sight of their intruder; a pixie vampire several feet away. The sight of another female vampire sent Bella into a slight panic. Jasper had been away from her for years and years, what if he had met someone else? After all, she had had a male companion for a while. Who was she? Why was she out here with Jasper? Jasper was hers, and nothing and no one was going to stand between them. The urge to rip the little vixen vampire's heart from her chest was an overpowering one, and Jasper was partly holding Bella in place.

After a minute though, Bella was finding it oddly difficult to hold onto the violent feeling, and she felt her muscles relaxing and her thoughts slowing as Jasper worked her emotions carefully. He tilted his head back, leaves and mud clung to his hair as he noticed Alice there. "Hey," he crooned softly to Bella, "It's just Alice, there's nothing to worry about."

Bella's growl didn't stop rumbling in her chest, it just quieted some, and Jasper still felt it against his own chest making a suppressed growl struggle to work it's way up from his own chest. Bella calmed from Jasper's powers, but also from his pathetic purr-growl that was rumbling in his chest. She smiled down at him, and it widened when she saw his confused face. She wanted to full out laugh at his sad little snarls.

Jasper felt her amusement and cocked a brow hoping for an answer, but Bella was distracted by Alice giggling as she came closer to them. Another snarl ripped through Bella's chest when another vampire came up. The male vampire stood beside Alice defensively, his own real growl rolling forward in a stern warning: back off of Alice. Bella's eyes narrowed at the copper-haired vampire. He was tall and lean, a little muscular but was nothing compared to Jasper. She had nothing to be afraid of if he decided to attack. She could take him. But who were they?

"Edward? Alice? Back off," Jasper hissed at his brother and sister as he stared at them upside down. He turned his gaze back to Bella. "Isabella, calm down. It's just my family," he whispered to her, sending calming waves to her.

Bella felt a slight twinge at the word _family_. "You have no siblin's, Jasper," she said, feeling her body respond to the Jasper's calming.

"They're not my real siblings, but they're still family. They're not going to harm us."

Bella stared back at him, still feeling the sting of the pain, and said nothing.

"Who is she Jasper? I can't get anything from her," Edward asked frustrated.

Bella smiled cockily, hiding her hurt, "I'm his dead fiancé."

To say that everyone was shocked at Bella's words was an understatement, but the most shocked was Jasper. They were going to get married? So it was okay to feel this pull towards this vampire, to love her so much already? Well of course, he reasoned, they had been together before so it was only natural. But he couldn't help but wonder if _this_ Bella was the same Bella he had loved all those years ago. Hundreds of years had grown between them, and his years hadn't exactly been the kind you write home about.

"What?" Jasper gasped. Married? The word rolled around his head, and he couldn't shake the uncertainty of its echo. This is what he wanted isn't it? This is his angel. He wanted her, and now he had her, and she wanted him.

"It's good to see you too, love," her smile was dark as she finally moved off of him so she was standing, offering her hand to help him up.

He took it gratefully and she smiled, amused at his golden hair full of mud and leaves. "I don't understand," he admitted, feeling for her emotions carefully as he shook the junk from his hair.

"So you really are soul mates!" Alice chirped, clapping her hands.

"I always thought we were," Bella admitted, flashing a devious smile in Jasper's direction.

"Why can't I hear your thoughts?" Edward asked pinching the bridge of his nose in concentration. "All I get is silence."

"I prefer my privacy." Bella smiled at him, but her smile was tight. She still unsure of these people. How long had it been since she had really had a conversation with someone? She thought back.

Edward glared. "Whatever you say."

Bella could feel more vampires. "There are others coming?" She asked, unsure of how she should react.

"The whole family is coming!" Alice squealed happily, doing a small dance in place. Edward smiled fondly on his little vampire.

"Family?" Bella asked, feeling like a knife had been placed between her shoulder blades and was being slowly rotated. She had spent years alone, not wanting anything or anyone but Jasper, while he had just buried her like a casualty of war and built a family of strangers on her grave.

"Yup, there are seven of us all together."

"Pretty big coven. You're lucky to find them," She whispered stiffly, turning so she was in front of him and started to take some leaves out of his hair

"I was lucky that Alice found me," Jasper whispered back, slightly worried at her shifting mood.

Bella hissed, crumbling a leaf that was in her hand. "Care to share why?"

Alice and Edward were eyeing them curiously, no doubt Jasper was sure, listening in on the conversation. "I'll tell you when we get back to the house."

"House? You actually live around here?"

"Yeah we do, it's a few miles east. We're able to live a few years in one place because of our diet."

Bella felt her stomach twinge at the mention of a diet, but she said nothing.

"Wow," she said shaking her head removing some more leaves from his hair, "You got very lucky Jasper." _While you left me alone to fend for myself_, she thought bitterly.

"I may have been lucky but I was never happy." He assured her. She looked up at him with question marks in her eyes but he just shook his head. "I'll tell you later. It goes with the story." He gave her a soft smile caressing her cheek.

She nodded silently and turned away.

Jasper stood and took in the sight of Bella carefully. So many questions were ramming around in his head. Was it okay to fall in love with her again this fast? Did she still want to be together? She had been talking about marriage hadn't she? Would she still want to be with him after he told her his story? Would she tell him their human life together? Was she the same as she was? Or had this life changed her? For the better? The worse? He eyed her carefully remembering how quick she was to resort to violence and how sharp her mood swings could be. Had she been alone all these years?

Edward and Alice remained hushed, the two of them perched together on a rock. Edward was playing with her hair as they waited for the others to come. Bella paced while Jasper watched. Eventually with a little help from Jasper she settled down beside him.

"You know, I was never happy either," she whispered, taking the last leaf out of his golden locks.

This saddened him a little. Maybe she had been alone all these years. The thought of her being with another man twisted his guts, but he would rather she had been happy than miserably alone for the sake of his own vanity. "I know. I could feel it before you attacked me." He smiled trying to lighten the mood without using his powers for once.

"What do you mean 'you know'?" She asked skeptically. "What are you a mind reader?" He didn't answer at first, just looked at her and she looked back at him.

Jasper really hadn't changed much from his transformation; not as much as she had. He was a little more muscular than he was before he left, but that could have been just from fighting. His features became sharper and more angular, and his eyes were now golden instead of the beautiful ice blue, but they still held the same softness they always had. He was still very tall; Bella's head came to about his collar bone, and he still had his lazy smile, his golden wavy locks, his southern accent that matched hers, and he still made Bella feel safe.

"I can feel and manipulate people's emotions." He said after a long pause.

"You could always tell when I was upset..." Bella mused, remembering how he could always root out the source of her problems and make them seem meaningless.

Jasper chuckled softly, running his fingers through her hair, "Then I guess it shouldn't be a surprise then right, Isabella?"

Despite herself she smiled, letting her guard down a tiny bit. "It's Bella now Jasper. But no it really isn't surprisin."

Jasper was bathing in the waves of love rolling off of Bella as she smiled up into his golden eyes; he smiled and touched her cheek, giving her what love he had for her back. She gasped softly, gold meeting crimson again, their eyes locked the outside world away and it was just the two of them again.

"Bella," he crooned softly sweeping away a lock of hair that had fallen out of place.

Her body warmed beneath his touch and every nerve ending in her body lit up like gasoline had been dumped on a fire. His touch left a trail of delicate flames on her skin and she took a rare shaky breath when she smiled up at him. She had never smiled so much in the past hundred years. What was he doing to her? What was happening to her? Her world had changed in just a matter of seconds. It was hard to imagine they had just spent the last several hundred years apart. It was hard to believe they had changed so much . . .

She turned when she heard the others only a few yards away. The pair of people she saw before her cut short the good feelings, the merriment of Jasper. She saw the a familiar blond face with a caramel headed women standing next to him. "Carlisle? Esme?" She gasped her hand coming up covering her mouth. What were they doing here? How could they still be alive?

"Isabella?" They gasped.

A cold shiver ran down Bella's spine. The last time she had seen them, the last time she had been in their house was for the b . . . She couldn't even think of it, didn't want to remember that Jasper had left her so alone and so vulnerable. She felt her walls going up around her, thick and solid once more. She would never be like that again. She would never be so defenseless. "What are you guys doin here? What happened all those years ago?" Her voice was cold as the night she had been attacked.

Shocked didn't even begin to cover of what Carlisle and Esme felt as they stared into the burning red eyes of the girl they had once considered like a daughter to them. "What are you doing here?" Carlisle asked, reaching out and hugging her to his chest. He ignored the fact that Bella stiffened like a board. "We were gone for the weekend and then you were gone. What happened?"

_You left me when I needed you, that's what happened_, she thought bitterly. She could almost feel the rain pelting her as she ran that night, almost feel the stones cutting into her bare feet and hear the lightning thunder in her heart. _I can't take it Jasper, I can't live, I can't be happy. I tried, God I tried! I need you, I need you my love . . ._

Bella pulled away giving him a tight smile before walking over to Esme who pulled Bella into a crushing embrace. "We were so worried about you when we heard that you were missing, we went looking all over! The rain had washed away most of your scent so we couldn't find anything."

The rain had been coming down so hard. She had been so alone, she just wanted to see Jasper again. _Well, pretty little girl, I think I might be able to help you with that . . ._

Bella pulled herself slowly from her memories and stared at the sincerity in Esme's face. It was touching, really it was, but the scars of what happened that night were too deep to be removed. Bella simply half smirked and said in a flat voice, "I'm sure you did everything you could."

Jasper watched everything that was going on, feeling the walls Bella was erecting and watching Carlisle and Esme hugging like Bella they knew everything about her human life and he knew nothing. A sharp twinge of jealously clawed at him from the inside as a bit of anger boiled in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly was glad that all he felt from Carlisle was parental love for her and nothing more. With as much nonchalance as he could muster he placed himself between Bella and the rest of the coven.

Rosalie and Emmett were shocked at the new addition to their lives. Along with the shock was jealousy from Rosalie, hating Bella right away for her beauty. Jasper glowered at his coven sister. She didn't know anything about Bella yet she hated her with such passion. He thought maybe Bella ould sense it as she kept her emotions carefully in order and he thought slightly hidden. Emmett and Alice were bubbling with happiness at the prospect of a having a fresh face around and Edward was still grumpy about her silent thoughts.

"Jasper said you have a house?" Bella asked finally after everyone had settled down. "Maybe we can talk there."

"Of course! We would love to show you our home and maybe you would like a change of clothes?" Esme asked, noting the blood stained clothes. She noted the body out of the corner of her eye but said nothing.

Bella looked down at her muddy clothes leaves sticking to her, some of her shirt was torn from when she had ran. "It doesn't matter," she shrugged. "Maybe just a little catching up?" She asked raising a perfect brow to Jasper.

Esme eyed the two. The way Bella looked at her son told her they knew each other far beyond bumping into each other in the woods today. She watched them carefully but said nothing.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Emmett asked confused as ever.

"Emmett language! You will find out soon enough, we'll go back to the house now and you may find out," Esme scolded soflty, tipping her head to Bella with a raised brow.

Bella cast her eyes to the ground. "Perhaps." She flashed a smile in Emett's direction. "And I like you."

Rosalie's fury peaked at the way Bella smirked at her Rosalie's husband, "Oh really?" She hissed crossing her arms against her chest with attitude.

"Calm down, ice princess, I meant as a friend nothin more," Bella assured Rosalie, though the smile she cast at Emett suggested much more than friendship, but it was just to tease and a bit unconscious from her years of picking up human men. Seduction had become somewhat of an art, and a rather integrated part of her personality. "My heart and soul belongs to this man right here," Bella said grabbing a hold of Jasper's hand and pulling him against herself.

Rosalie was seconds away from attacking Bella, when Jasper hissed at her, surprising her. "Watch yourself Rosalie."

Everyone stood there waiting for someone to say something but no one really dared to say anything, Bella smiled darkly at Rosealie, her red eyes giving her a fiendish countenance. Bella pressed herself tighter against Rosalie's brother, tipping her head so her lashes shadowed her eyes, giving her a sexy, possessive look about her. Rosalie stiffened irritably and Bella smiled.

"This way," Esme said clearing her throat to break the silence and frowning at her blond daughter.

Bella and Jasper followed the group back to the house; they were there in a matter of minutes though they covered miles. The white Victorian house came into view nestled in a clearing of tall pines. A long driveway led into them, disappearing into their dark boughs. There were three floors to the house, and it had many windows to it. The front had a large porch and a swing. Bella was impressed.

"Esme it's beautiful here. You always liked your big houses." Bella said, her voice carefully controlled.

"Thank you dear, I've become very fond of it myself."

They walked into the house through the glass doors that where in the back. "Stay right here Bella I have some clothes for you." Alice smiled then was gone and back in milliseconds with some jeans and a light pink top. "Here you go."

Bella eyed the pink top. Not really her color but . . ."Thank you." She smiled. "Is there a bathroom I can use?" She asked.

"Down the hall and to the left." Alice replied, throwing her hand towards a long hall behind her.

Bella nodded and squeezed Jasper's hand one more time before letting it go. She felt minor loss when she started to walk away to the bathroom, a slight panicky feeling that he might not be there when she returned. She quickly shed her bloody clothes and donned the stuff the Alice vampire had given her. Everything had fit her perfectly, which was a little creepy to Bella but she didn't think about it too much. She sighed dropping her soiled clothes in a hamper by the door, wondering if they would ever really be washed since they were covered in human blood. She walked back into the living room to find everyone was seated besides Jasper who was leaning against a wall opposite from her with his legs crossed. Alice and Edward were sitting in a recliner together, her perched on his lap. Emmett and Rosalie sat in an overstuffed chair, Rosalie also in her mates lap, her fingers curled possessively around his, Carlisle and Esme were seated on the couch together. Bella felt petty pride at Rosalie's stupid jealousy.

_Good,_ she thought_, let the bitch squirm._

Bella smiled at the family picture, wincing inwardly at the thought that _this_ was supposed to be hers with Jasper. Feeling all eyes on her, she walked over next to Jasper and leaned against the wall mirroring his stance and giving him a teasing smile before turning her head to the rest of the family. Everyone stared at her expectantly, Esme and Carlisle most of all. She was to go first then. She sucked in a deep breath, ready to retell a story she had been trying to bury at the end of every day.

"Where should I begin?" She asked in a monotone.

"The beginning." Jasper answered.

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**R&R?**


	5. Chapter 5

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**Holy shit! I can't believe how many people are following this story! Thank you for the follows and the favorites and all that happy stuff! You guys make my insides all warm and fuzzy. So here is another chapter about Bella and a little bit of Jasper's past. I hope you guys like and review this. I am still amazed how many reviews it has already. You guys are amazing! I am also sorry that it took so long, school sucks making it hard to write with so much going on. I have a Twitter that you guys can follow me on, I ask questions and put up teasers and all that good stuff. So follow me so you can answer questions and know what's going on in my life, if you care. : )**

**I also want to thank these people for their reviews:****Li Whitlock, shelbron, Andysteve1311, NewTownGirl, hyacinthblu, SAVAGEGRACEx, Reading is a Passion2, imnotajudgexx, ellaryne, Bripearl, littlenerd**

**You guys make my insides warm and fuzzy : )**

**I'm going to shut the hell up now, so you can read. I own nothing besides the plot and my beta Rolyat Eivyf ;)**

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_Previously on Just a Dream..._

_Bella smiled at the family picture, wincing inwardly at the thought that _this_was supposed to be hers with Jasper. Feeling all eyes on her, she walked over next to Jasper and leaned against the wall mirroring his stance and giving him a teasing smile before turning her head to the rest of the family. Everyone stared at her expectantly, Esme and Carlisle most of all. She was to go first then. She sucked in a deep breath, ready to retell a story she had been trying to bury at the end of every day._

_"Where should I begin?" She asked in a monotone._

_"The beginning." Jasper answered._

* * *

She took a deep breath.

"I was born Isabella Marie Swan, born on September 15, 1844; pronounced dead just nine months and two weeks after I found out my soon to be husband was dead. That was November 20, 1863. I was nineteen. He was only one year older than me."

"Who was he? If he was going to be your husband why are you all over Jasper?" Rosalie interrupted, raising an accusatory brow.

"If you'd shut your trap Ice Princess you would find out," Bella hissed back. "As I was sayin', he was only one year older than me, and his name was Jasper Allen Whitlock-well Major Jasper Whitlock."

"You mean our Jasper is the same as your Jasper?" Esme asked shocked, her eyes darting from Jasper's face to Bella's.

_Their Jasper, _Bella thought painfully, twisting her hands together. "Yes. He's the same Jasper," she moved her eyes to look over at Jasper and saw that he was staring at her intently; she looked back to the group. "We had met when we were kids, both of us playin' in the school year. I had fallen out of a tree and broke my arm." The memory brought a faint smile to her lips as she unconsciously brushed her arm. "He was the one who helped me home; makin' sure everythin' was alright before he left. We were inseparable after that. We grew up together always doin' stuff together. He would take care of me and I would take care of him." She laughed faintly, meeting Jasper's eyes for a moment. "Him more so than me since I would be the one gettin' hurt all'a the time. I was pretty clumsy as a child and even as an adult, but Jasper was there always to catch me when I fell."

_Except when you needed him the most_, a voice in the back of her head echoed._ When you needed someone the most, there was no one there for you._ With an effort she pushed it away.

_"_ He was my savior in more ways than one. We had finally agreed to take our relationship further when I was fifteen. Not much later afterwards both of our parents were murdered. They say that's not what happened but I'm not stupid, I know somethin' bad happened to 'em," she said gravely.

"We were on our own but we managed alright. We helped each other with the grieving process, our parents had meant so much to us and they were gone."

_Just like Jasper._ The voice taunted._Just like Carlisle and Esme. Just like everyone you've ever trusted. Gone. They left you alone, Bella._

"Slowly things got better I moved into Jasper's home and sold my parent's house, taking most of my things with me. I helped with the farm to help make money and it was tough at first to make ends meet but once they did things got really nice. Everything was great: our relationship was goin' great, the farm was doin' great, we had friends and good people to spend time with." A smile had snuck onto her face once again, but the next memories that surfaced sucked the color out of her mood. She took another deep breath.

She began again, slowly. "When the war started Jasper immediately wanted to go, but I didn't want him to. We had a big fight over it. I thought he was going to leave me just like our parents did. I was afraid that if I let him ride away he would never ride back." Bella's eyes locked onto Jaspers in an icy glare. "But he promised me that he would come back, that he wouldn't leave me like that, that he loved me too much to leave me." The words had come out with unintended malice. She fought to control her voice. "So reluctantly I let him go, somethin' I regretted, something I still regret to this day, that I let him go so damn easily. The night after I agreed to let him go he gave me this," she reached into her borrowed shirt and pulled out a sliver heart locket, the surface worn smooth from years of touches. "Remember?" She asked turning to Jasper.

He shook his head no. "I don't remember."

_Of course you don't, _she thought bitterly, but kept her voice level. "You gave this to me with this in it." She carefully opened the locket with their picture in it. She held it out for him to see.

He stared at the picture, studying it, his expression thoughtful. He remembered when the picture was taken but not giving the locket to her. He gave her a sad smile. "I remember getting the picture done, but not giving you the locket." He slowly lifted his hand and touched the picture with his fingertips, "We look so happy." He whispered, a sad smile creeping across his lips.

She snapped it closed with a sharp _click_ and closed it in her fist. "We _were _happy. Then you left, after promising me that you would come back and that when you did we would get married and start our family!" She hissed, dropping the locket under her shirt, sighing softly when she felt the cold metal hit her skin. "I believed you," she snapped, jabbing her finger in his face. "Thinking that you would come back, that was stupid of me. What made me think that you would actually come back?" She questioned herself, abandonment and resent filling her. She threw her hands into the air helplessly.

"The morning that you left I helped you get your uniform on. I helped you get everything set and ready I made sure you ate because God knew if you ate properly again, when you were human anyway," she added. "I got a hug, a promise, and one last kiss and you were gone. That was the last time I saw you!" She was no longer talking to everyone, but to Jasper only, whose sad face could only radiate with how sorry he was that he had never come back, but she didn't care. "You _promised _you would come back and you didn't! When I needed you most you weren't there for me!" She cried hysterically, nostrils flared, her glare sharp as glass, jabbing an accusatory finger into his chest.

She took a moment and glanced at the faces around the room that seemed to reflect a sliver of her pain, of her utter loneliness and betrayal. She straightened and raised her chin a bit, unashamed. No one was saying anything, they were simply sitting in the wake of her pain. All except for Rosalie who had a hard glare locked on Bella.

"Got a problem, Ice Princess?" Bella snapped, cocking her eyebrow.

"How come you know all of this about Jasper, claiming your love for each other and all these promises when I haven't heard him talk about you once in all of my time with him?" She sneered, a petty smirk on her pretty lips.

Bella was stunned as if Rosalie had reached out and slapped her. A wretched pain rose deep from within Bella's heart. Rosalie's smile widened at her stunned expression. "I don't know. Maybe you guys aren't as close to him as you thought you were." Bella turned to Jasper, a million questions on her already strained face.

Rosalie's smile faded back into her hateful glare.

"That's not true, Rosalie. When Jasper and I first met he talked about this Isabella, or Bella he sometimes called her," Alice chimed in, making Bella force a strained smile even against what she was feeling inside. It did make her a little happier to hear that he had mentioned her. "He used to talk about her all of the time."

"See, you're not as close as you thought, after all," Bella sneered.

Rosalie didn't like this new female, she didn't care for her attitude or her claims on her brother. A thought crossed Rosalie's mind just then, and a dark smile stretched across her pretty face. "If we're not close, then why do we share my last name, hmm?" She asked, her face titled just a little so her expression was slightly devilish.

Bella felt the walls closing in around her, the room becoming very, very small yet Jasper seemed to be getting farther and farther away. The shock, the pain, the betrayal she felt she could not even begin to put into words. She felt the blade in her back twist even more as a slow agonizing pain consumed her. Bella couldn't breathe much less speak after that.

_He changed his last name to be the same as her? Why? Why did he change it? _Suddenly she felt herself become happy, cheerful, everything that she hadn't been and didn't want to be.

"Do. Not. Manipulate my emotions." She hissed at Jasper, her temper rising.

_He forgot about you, Bella. He made a family without you._

Jasper stopped what he was doing, trying not to let her emotions overpower him.

"What's the matter Isabella, can't you take that he belongs with us? That we know him better than you ever will?" Rosalie taunted. "That we're his family now? You're not jealous are you?"

"Rosalie!" Esme scolded.

Bella's expression hardened, and when she spoke her voice was low and steady. "I may not know him now, but I knew him then. He doesn't _belong _with you. He's not a dog. He can go wherever he damn well pleases! If I had found him sooner he wouldn't even be with you _Cullen's." _she spat their name with venom in stinging in her words. "If I had found him earlier, he wouldn't know anythin' about you! If I had just found him. . . sooner!" she hissed at the blond vampire, whipping her head around to meet Jasper with fiery crimson eyes.

"If you'd just listened to me this would have never had happened! You would have been safe! You would have been with me! But no you had to leave me, just like everyone else! You didn't have to go through the pain that I went through! Did you ever think I would be happy after I found out you had died? Are you crazy or stupid or what? That was one of the stupidest thing that you have ever written! You didn't even get to meet our son!" Venom stung in her eyes, the pain was almost unbearable as it sat on her chest like a thousand-pound weight, her arms tightening unconsciously around her stomach. "You weren't there to help me through the pregnancy; you weren't there to hold my hair back when I was sick; you weren't there to whisper your love for that little boy as he was growin' in my stomach; you weren't there to protect me when I thought someone was watching me; you weren't there when I gave birth to him; you weren't there to see he looked just like you; you weren't there to see . . ." she struggled with the words, forcing them out in gasps. "To see the light leaving his ice blue eyes and fade into a haunting gray. You were somewhere happy, not carin' about anythin'. You weren't there to comfort me when the Cullen's left so suddenly without as much as a fuck you." Bella threw a sharp glance in their direction, pointing a rigid finger at them. Both Esme and Carlisle winced at her words. "You weren't even there to try to protect me from the monster who gave me this horrid life when I asked for death! When all I asked was to be with you!" she snapped, out of breath from the emotional breakdown. She kept her eyes locked with Jasper's, who was desperately searching her face for some trace of forgiveness.

The room was quiet after Bella's outburst; the only sound the harsh breaths that Bella was sucking in. Nobody knew what to say, no one dared to try to say anything. All of them Bella's pain as it rolled off on Japer and he projected it even as he struggled to contain it, making it even worse for all of them; even Rosalie. She would never admit it, but the pain she felt radiating off her brother cut her to the bone. She hated the fact Bella's chance to have a family was taken away from her twice and now she would never be able to have another chance. She loathed that Bella almost had a chance to be a mother and was saddened that the baby was taken away from her. Just like Esme's had been.

Carlisle and Esme cast their eyes to the floor, unable to look at the broken girl standing before them. Their hearts were breaking all over again as their minds took them back to the night they had left her, hating themselves for leaving Bella the way they had. They'd had to leave, Carlisle was needed to help injured soldiers and at that point Bella had been beyond their ability to help. When they came back and (((((heard what happened to Bella))))) [what? who told them? another vampire?] they didn't want to believe that she was really gone. They looked for years but never found her. They had never forgotten about her, and the guilt had stood the test of time as they years had dragged by.

Alice and Edward were both sympathetic about about Jasper and Bella's baby. The loss of a child is life shattering. You never get all the pieces put back quite the way they were before. Alice wanted to run over and hug Bella and tell her what she had seen in Bella's near future but she felt it wasn't the time nor place. Edward squeezed Alice tighter as he read her mind.

Jasper was paralyzed. He couldn't move or breathe, being a good thing it was no longer necessary. His mind buzzed, each thought flitting by too quickly to be registered. He struggled to rein in the emotions rolling off him like a heat wave of pain, but he couldn't. He didn't have the presence of mind to hold himself together.

His couldn't keep up with the questions mushrooming all over his mind. Bella had been pregnant? She had had to go through all of it by herself? Didn't she say Carlisle and Esme were there? Did they help her go through with it? Why did they leave her? Why didn't they mention meeting an Isabella before? It's not like he really talked about her with them much but he had mentioned her before, years ago. Why hadn't they said something then? Didn't they make the connection? How could Bella think he had been happy without her when he told her he wasn't happy even now? Did she think he left her like that on purpose? He hadn't had a choice! He woke up after the change not knowing where he was, not knowing he was just miles away from home, not states. But he hadn't known that at the time. Didn't she know he hadn't known? Didn't she know that if he had known, God if he had know he would have gone back for her!

"Bella . . ." he whispered forcing himself to move towards her.

"Don't. Don't you _dare_ touch me," she whispered, taking a step away from him, her shoulders hunched over looking down at the ground. She seemed almost defensive, like he had slapped her.

"After Jasper left," she continued her voice a little less steady than before. "After he left, not much later the Cullen's came into town. Everyone was talkin' about them; how different they were but they did praise Carlisle for being an excellent doctor . . . or so they thought. It didn't take long for me to meet him personally; I had fallen and sprained my wrist. He fixed me up and we talked and eventually became friends. I met Esme not much later and I was awful lonely and we became friendly too, but they were always more like my parents than my friends. It seemed like everything was gonna be okay. I got informed that Jasper had become Major as I mentioned before, he was the youngest and I was very, very proud of him," she said softly. "I told everyone in town. I told everyone, even people I didn't know and that didn't know nothing about me.

" It was about four months later when the same man that had told me about Jasper's promotion came back to our home. Only this time he didn't look so happy to be there. It looked like he wanted to be anywhere but at our house. I knew it wasn't another award for Jasper. I nearly died right then. I must have fainted or somethin' because next thing I know I'm wakin' up in my bed from a nightmare. That dream haunted my sleep no matter what I did to chase it away. It was always the same thing over and over again, it never went away." She looked up at Jasper, her eyes still dark from her simmering temper.

"After I found out about you disappearing, I ran to Carlisle and Esme's place. I didn't know who else to turn to, and they were like second parents to me . . . at the time." She shot a dark look in their direction. "I just didn't want to be alone anymore. They took care of me that night. I know if I hadn't stayed at their house I wouldn't have made it to the funeral the next day. I didn't want to live without you," Bella said gravely as she looked at him. "As I walked to where you were to be buried we passed by all the spots we used to spend time at when we were kids. It was the worst day of my human life. As I walked down the aisle I heard whisperers sayin' how you weren't goin' to come home, no one had hope, and truth be told neither did I. I just stood there for the 21-gun good-bye. It seemed like everyone I truly loved was gone. I heard whispers of them people talkin how it was sad and I shoulda been wearin a white dress for you, and I wanted it to but it never happened. Well in my dreams, yes. Real life? No.

"After the service I got sick. I thought it was just because everythin' was hittin' me pretty hard, the emotional rollercoaster and all the stress. But come to find out I was preg . . ." the word caught in her throat. "I was . . . I was pregnant with our baby. When I saw him I named him after you because he looked _so_ much like you." She smiled softly to herself thinking about their baby boy, the vice around her chest constricting tighter.

"Carlisle was the one that told me about my little miracle. I found out that I was pregnant with him and I had a reason to live again. I had my baby boy." A hollow feeling formed in Bella's stomach and her hand moved unconsciously to where her baby had once been.

"When I was pregnant with him I felt like I was being watched. I told the Cullen's and my midwife about it; they both said it was nothing." Bella turned her head just for a fraction of a second to glower at both of them before turning back to Jasper. "I had believed them, just like I had believed you were comin' home." She laughed darkly, shaking her head. "Stupid me right?" She looked around the room as if expecting an answer. "I think so too. During those nine months I was sick most of the time. That should have been a sign something wasn't right. Again I had asked and they said every woman is different, some go through the sickness longer than others, and again I believed them. Soon my baby was there. I got to hold him just for two . . . just two minutes and he was gone. Just for nine months and two minutes I was a Mama. Then he too left me, but it wasn't his fault I just wasn't a good enough Mother to take care of him." Her voice dropped again thinking about her son.

"Bella, what happened to your baby wasn't your fault! We didn't have the right technology back then like we do now. What happened to him was not your fault!" Carlisle tried to assure her in a gentle voice.

"Bullshit," she spat, suddenly angry. Her emotions scattered like marbles hitting a hardwood floor. Every piece of her heart skittered away, tucking deep into shadowy corners of her memories. "I don't remember any child's death like mine in our town. They always lived and grew and had happy lives. Why couldn't mine? Why couldn't I have just one good thing in my entire life?" She asked mostly to herself, her voice small and child-like. Her face crumpled and she looked like a lost puppy in a box on the street corner that too many people had passed by. It broke Jasper's heart.

Jasper hesitantly took a step forward, blocking her view from the rest of the group. "Angel, what happened to him was not your fault. You would have been-you _are_ an amazing mother." He told her softly playing off of her emotions, not wanting to upset her anymore.

"Then why couldn't I keep our baby? I wanted him Jas, I didn't want him to go," she murmured, feeling herself coming undone at the seams. Almost worse than she did with Spencer and Emma put together.

He took another step closer. "I know you didn't want him to go. Sometimes things happen for a reason."

"What reason, Jasper? I didn't want him to go; I didn't want you to go; I didn't want my parents to go and I didn't want this freak show of a life! I was alone for so long and now I found you, but you made a life without me. You're happy with this coven. They know you so much better than I do. I know nothing about this new Jasper Whitlock—or Hale, or whatever the hell your name is now," she told him stiffly, waving him away dismissively, her voice barely hiding its fiery undercurrent.

He was close enough now to softly grab her forearms, giving them a gentle squeeze. "Nothing in my past or with them has ever made me this happy." He pulled her a little closer to him. "Not with you here. I wasn't always with the Cullen's, Bella. I've been through hell and back just to get to where I am now," he spoke softly, both of their bodies humming with electricity as they touched.

"I want to to know this new Jasper, I want you. I want us to be happy. I want us to be _us_ again, but I don't think we . . . can, we are so different now," she spoke just as softly as he did. Slowly she brought her eyes to meet his gaze. Her eyes were a shocking red again, not an angry black. But they were still hallowed, there was no life in her eyes—no hope.

"No we can't go back to the way we were," he agreed. "The people we were, it doesn't matter anymore. That's not who we are. We will build on what was broken. We will be even stronger than before."

"Maybe . . . after some time-a lot of time-maybe we can," she agreed, her eyes still lacking conviction.

Jasper smiled. "I know we will." he kissed her forehead, not commenting as she froze for a moment.

"Well now that the Hallmark moment is over, what happens next?" Emmett asked impatiently.

Jasper growled under his breath. Bella pushed him over to the side. "Calm yourself I want to get this over with. I don't want to be retelling this story ever again."

Jasper sighed understandingly. "Alright."

She took a deep, unneeded breath looking at the group she began speaking again. "After what . . . happened, I went to a dark place in my mind. I didn't eat I barely slept. I just hung unto the last piece of Jasper that I had left. This," she touched the locket around her neck. "Esme and Carlisle checked on me, tried to get me to eat, get me to do anythin' besides sit in my rocking chair. But it didn't happen. The ghosts of the memories of Jasper and the baby tormented me. I started seein' things. I thought I was losing my mind.

"After a while Esme and Carlise's visits didn't come as often. Not that I blame them. I only got up to use the bathroom. Soon they just stopped all together. I found out they were out of town for a weekend, but I knew it would be longer than that. That's when I snapped. I just lost it. I couldn't be happy, and nobody wanted me.

"So on a stormy night I ran to your grave yelling and crying telling you I couldn't be happy without you, that I didn't want to live without you." Jaspers fingers brushed hers. "That's when this creepy bastard came out of nowhere behind me and told me that he could help me with what I wanted and he bit me! Then there was pain . . . so much pain. I wanted to just die. I didn't care what happened to me if someone would just make it all stop. But I didn't die, and no one made it stop. I don't know how long it went for. It felt like forever. I screamed and yelled but no one heard me because I was so far away-well unless you were a vampire," she added, sending another glare at the pair of vampires that were on the couch. "When I woke up, everything was so bright and new it kind of scared me my throat burned and I didn't know what to do. There was this amazin' smell and I had to have it. There was a boy in the graveyard. Before I knew what I was doing I snapped this boys neck and took his life away and all he was doin' was visiting his mama's grave. I was horrified when I was done. I turned and ran away from where I was and I didn't ever, ever go back."

After a moment of silence Esme spoke, "Sweetheart, we didn't leave you on purpose we were needed to-"

Bella stiffened at the name. "I'm not your sweetheart, Esame.I don't care if you were needed._ I _needed you. And even then, I would have understood, pissed off and hurt but I would have understood and would have said goodbye. But you didn't even give me that. You just up and left. It was great finding out that a couple that was almost like second parents to you had just up and vanished without a goodbye." She turned fully around approached Esme slowly, bringing her face low and close to Esme's." Let me tell you I was so happy to find out you left," she hissed sarcastically, her voice barely above a growl.

"It's not our fault no one wants you!" Rosalie butted in, jumping to her feet. "Maybe you shouldn't be such a self-important bitch!"

"Rosalie!" Both Carlislie and Esme hissed but it was for nothing.

Slowly Bella straightened up, her red eyes flashed, a small smile on her perfect lips. "Thanks so much, Ice Princess but I think I can find someone. "She winked at Emmett

Rosalie lunged at Bella. Bella just smiled wickedly and suddenly there was a blue bubble protecting her and Jasper. "You actually think you can hurt me, Priss Bitch?" She let out a sinister laugh as Rosalie tried to get to her. "You can't hurt me. I've been hurt worse than you could ever know. There's nothing more anyone could do to me."

Jasper raised his eye brows, stepping slightly in front of Bella protectively. "Calm down. She can't get us if we're in here, we're safe," she said placing a hand on his shoulder, dismissing his stance.

"What the hell is that?" Emmett exclaimed as he pulled a pissed off Rosalie into his arms

"My shield." Bella said proudly.

"That's why I can't hear you?" Edward asked, sadly becoming only more confused.

"I told you I like my privacy, but yes, I have different shields."

"How did you find out?" Carlisle asked, amazed.

"Spencer helped me." Bella told him.

"Who's Spencer?" Jasper asked his eyes fixed on her, no longer in his protective stance.

"A friend of mine that I met years ago. He's the one who helped me get out of my depression after I changed. He got my head on straight. I owe him my life. I love him, he's my best friend," she told him honestly.

Jasper couldn't help the twinge he felt deep in his heart, even if he knew he shouldn't. This Spencer had helped Bella.

"He has a mate Jasper," she told him, dismissing his concern with a roll of her eyes. "We met her about ten years after Spence and I met."

He didn't say anything and she rolled her eyes again; they had been apart for over a hundred years! Of course she was bound to meet some other vampires but it wasn't like she slept with every male vampire she met. Hell, she hadn't been with anyone since he and her made love before he left for war. Men and their dicks.

"Can I take this down and act like a somewhat human being or are you going to act like an animal?" Bella asked in mock exasperation turning to Rosalie. "I can easily take you apart if that's what you want. Either or is fine with me. I haven't had a good fight in awhile. We can have the doctor put you back together. It will hurt like a bitch but I think you can handle it," Bella taunted.

Again they were all in shock at Bella's words. She just shrugged and put down her shield. This was who she was now, take it or leave it. Emmett had a good grip on Rosalie anyways.

"Where did you meet this Spencer?" Carlisle asked

"Honestly?" He nodded his head. "A club, we were both looking for something—or someone more like it- to eat. We managed to get this couple that had a . . . very open relationship. We took them to the ally next to the club and . . . well you know the rest. But after all of that he followed me tryin' to get me to talk, to do something, anything but look miserable. I just told him to take a hike but he didn't listen. God only knows why he bothered but he stayed with me telling me it was his new mission to make me smile." She shook her head remembering that night, for the first time a slight real smile touched her lips. Jasper tried to ignore the twinge again. "And trust me when Spence is on a mission he will not back down, he was just like Jas in that way." She laughed to herself. "It took about four months later before he did it. God he had the dirtiest mind.

"They were funny jokes it was just it was so dirty if I was human I would have blushed at some of them. Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I broke up laughing nearly falling off of the rock I was sitting on since we were hanging out in the woods for some reason. I don't even remember why!" She laughed again, a real happy laugh. She wasn't talking to the group anymore. Just to herself, reminiscing in the memories. "We were attached at the hip since then, we were always getting in trouble, always having fun. He wasn't like any other vampire I had met with, he didn't judge me after I told him I thought I was crazy."

Jasper tried not to flinch at the sound of her voice, at the look of sheer joy on her face at the memory of Spencer. The memory of this man brought nothing but happiness to her face, even a little sparkle to her eyes, while memories of him sent her into an emotional tailspin. He crossed his arms over his chest and swallowed the jealousy as best he could, trying fiercely not to let the others feel it.

"What do you mean crazy?" Esme asked concerned.

Bella turned to face her, slightly sad as the memories faded back into their place in her heart. She wished she could go back into them, back to where she was safe and happy. Bella eyed the Cullens. She was still angry at the pair, very angry but she wasn't going to dwell on that until all three of them talked about what had happened privately. She would just keep her anger inside even though she knew Jasper could feel it.

"I heard . . . sometimes I would hear things . . . Jasper's voice or a touch that would remind me of him. I thought I was going nuts. It was something that would help me yet piss me off. He wasn't even really there. I couldn't see him or barely even feel him, yet somehow I could sense him."

Jasper gaped at her, starting to feel a little better. So she did experience some of the same things that he did. Only hers came from time to time and his came when he closed his eyes and thought about her, his angel. It wasn't fair.

"So you heard and felt Jasper touch you? That's impossible. There is no way that could happen even as a vampire." Carlisle stated.

Bella narrowed her eyes at him. "I know what I heard and felt, Carlisle, that's why _no one _believed me. No one but Spencer."

_I would have believed you_, Jasper thought to himself. "That's not true because I had the same things happen to me," Jasper interjected, agreeing with Bella.

"Really? Why didn't you say anything?" Carlisle asked raising a brow.

Bella smiled triumphantly at Rosalie proving that they really didn't know Jasper as much as they thought. Then again, though, everyone kept secrets. It was a petty victory, but a victory nonetheless. Rosalie just hissed back making her husband hug her tighter to his chest and making Bella's smile darken.

"I, personally, didn't think it was your business. The only one that knew was Edward and I couldn't stop that," Jasper replied coolly.

Both of Carlisle's eye brows where up almost to his hair line not expecting that answer. Neither had the rest of the group. Bella smiled to herself.

"Something funny?" Edward asked, an edge to his voice.

"Yeah, actually, you guys. Just because you've known him for years doesn't mean you know everything about him. You act like it's such a shock that you don't know every little intimate detail. Everyone has their secrets! Here's something else you might not know, people sometimes like this thing called privacy?" She laughed. "Sometimes people want to hide things. Sometimes people don't want other people in their head."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, irritated.

"Like this." Bella snapped her fingers dramatically. "Sha-zam." She just looked at him as she used her power, smiling from ear to ear.

"What . . .? I can't hear anyone." He said astonished.

Bella just tapped her head. "See everyone has their secrets."

"How how are you doing that?"

"It's just another shield, babe."

Alice didn't react to the name much to Bella's disappointment. "Can you block me?" She asked instead.

"What's your thing?"

"I'm a physic."

Bella felt her stomach drop, not liking the fact Alice could see her future. Bella focused on herself, imagined what she wanted for herself and Jasper and started building it up slowly, brick by brick until she felt safe behind her wall.

Alice's face dropped. Judging by her expression Bella assumed that it had worked. "I can't see you or Jasper! Turn it off! Turn it off!"

"Me or Jasper?" Bella liked the fact they were both singled out instead of just her.

"Yes! Now turn it off I need to see!"

Bella considered Alice's request. "Fine, but stay out of my head." she told her taking that shield and everyone else's. Edward, hearing their thought again, cringed. Must've been he heard something he really didn't want to.

"Fine."

"Amazing." Carlisle gasped.

"I'm not a science project." Bella warned.

He shook his head. "You're right, so Spencer helped you with this ability. What happened after that? How did you find Jasper?"

"After that we met Emma, Spencer's mate. We were all good friends, still getting into trouble, raising hell, the high life. I was with them for a long time before we split up. It was time and I didn't want to overstay my welcome. I left them and I haven't seen them since." She said frowning.

"I met Jasper during my hunt, the dumb ass kept walkin' towards me. I couldn't, wouldn't stop drinking from that hunter. He had the most mouth watering scent and I wasn't going to waste good blood." Bella didn't notice the looks of disapproval being exchanged throughout the room. "After I was done, I tackled him, pinning him to the ground and well . . . you were there for the rest and now here I stand."

She finished the story. It had taken longer than what she wanted but it was finally out. She almost felt lighter because it was over. It would be the last time she would ever have to relive that part of herself. She could let the human part of her heart die. It was time to start over, she had found Jasper. They could make it work, things would be all downhill from here right?


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy Easter! Here is my gift to you. We are already past 50 reviews, thank you for all of the love. Instead of rambling on I'm going to let you read. Sorry for being so late but here it is!**

**Also thank you to:  
Twisted-Twilighter, jtwsnw20, LizZin, hyacinthblu, shelbron, dkpatton, AIXA00, Bripearl, littlenerd, and SAVAGEGRACEx **

**Thank you for all of the comments!**

**I own nothing besides the plot and my beta Rolyat Eivyf;)**

* * *

_Previously..._

_"After that we met Emma, Spencer's mate. We were all good friends, still getting into trouble, raising hell, the high life. I was with them for a long time before we split up. It was time and I didn't want to overstay my welcome. I left them and I haven't seen them since." She said frowning._

_"I met Jasper during my hunt, the dumb ass kept walkin' towards me. I couldn't, wouldn't stop drinking from that hunter. He had the most mouth watering scent and I wasn't going to waste good blood." Bella didn't notice the looks of disapproval being exchanged throughout the room. "After I was done, I tackled him, pinning him to the ground and well . . . you were there for the rest and now here I stand."_

_She finished the story. It had taken longer than what she wanted but it was finally out. She almost felt lighter because it was over. It would be the last time she would ever have to relive that part of herself. She could let the human part of her heart die. It was time to start over, she had found Jasper. They could make it work, things would be all downhill from here right?_

* * *

No one said anything when Bella had finished. Questions still stirred Jasper's mind but he stood silently, acutely aware of his friend's fragile state. She was an emotional cocktail of dark feelings, putting a three foot wall of anger and distancing between her and the rest of the group. He wanted to calm her, to take her away from the other vampires, take her into his arms and run to his secret place, but he knew she would shrink from his touch. She wouldn't allow it. He could see clearly she was done depending on people to keep her safe and comfortable. She would do what she wanted.

"So now that you have found him you what? Expect us to just take you in with open arms?" Rosalie laughed bitterly. "Obviously Carlisle and Esme don't want you since they already left you once, and why would Jasper leave this family for a train wreck like you?" Rosalie broke the silence with disgust in her voice.

Before anyone could speak Rosalie was out of Emmett's grasp and pinned against the wall by her throat. Bella's fingernails dug into the blonde's stone flesh. Rosalie hissed in Bella's face, a trail of venom slithering down her chin.

"I will not be leavin' him, I don't care what you or any other of the Cullen's think about me. I will stay here if he so wishes, but trust me Ice Princess, I will be trying to get him out of here. He and I belong together; it would kill us if we leave each other again. So, Ice Princess, you better get used to me bein' here. Because_ I_. Am. Not. Leavin'. _Him_," Bella seethed, venom spraying onto the blonde vampire with each word.

Rosalie writhed against Bella's grasp, but she was younger, weaker. Finally Rosalie stilled and smiled sardonically. "Would kill _you both_, or would kill _you_?" She inquired innocently.

Bella's eyes flickered to Jasper momentarily, but his gaze was on the floor.

"Bella, let go of Rosalie." Carlisle requested calmly.

"Why Carlisle? All she's done is insult Jasper and I. I ought to wring her pretty little throat," Bella hissed as more venom flowed from her mouth as her hand tightened around the blonde's neck, smiling inside as venom oozed from between her fingertips.

Rosalie hissed at Bella, trying to claw her hands away from her neck. Bella just smiled and tightened her grip even tighter. "What's the matter, Ice Princess, don't you like this? Don't like a little bit of your own medicine. Causing pain? You deal it like an addiction but I'm tellin' you right now I ain't buyin' your bullshit, sweetheart. I don't let people walk all over me, and I'll be damned if I let you do it to anyone else," Bella warned. "You say one more thing about me or Jasper or anything about our relationship you will lose a body part and if I have my way preferably it will be your pretty little face. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" She hissed.

The room was quiet except for the girls growls and hisses. Jasper knew it was wrong but he couldn't help the lust that filled his body as he watched his angel. His inner-soldier roared with satisfaction that his mate was standing up for their relationship . . . or what was left of it. She was not the Bella he had left on their whitewashed porch all those years ago. She was hard, she was broken, she was violent. She was not _his_ Bella, not his quiet, soft Isabella Swan. But somehow this new Bella fit their ridiculous existence. She was exquisite, she was strong and powerful and guarded. She was . . . amazing.

Inside Jasper wanted nothing more than to have Bella do something to Rosalie to make her eat her words. How dare she? What did Rosalie know about them? Who they were what they had been what they could have? Rosalie had to be the one person in this coven he had let the closest to him and still she doubted him. Frustration and guilt washed through him. He would have made the right decisions, he would have taken care of her, he would have made her happy, and he would _never_ have abandoned her.

He recalled bits and pieces of her from his human life—fragments really. They were frayed and blurry and most of them were mismatched and didn't make a lot of sense, but he remembered her . . . the angel that had been with him during his time with Maria. The angel that had been disappointed with him for the things that he had done, the angel that frowned upon his killing and his war. He glanced at Bella still pinning Rosalie to the wall. Why had she changed the way she had? If he hadn't left her . . . is this who he would have grown old with? Or would she have been someone else entirely?

There were a lot of things still up in the air, things he didn't really understand or know. But one thing he did know was that he and his angel wouldn't be separated again. Just the thought of them being apart sent Jasper into a whirl of pain. They wouldn't separate, not now, not ever. He wouldn't allow it to happen even if it did mean leaving the Cullen coven.

"Jasper, stop this!" Esme cried.

"I ain't gonna hurt her, Esme. She just needs to learn to keep her mouth shut," Bella muttered in a bored voice turning to glare at Esme.

"Please Bella, just let her go."

"Always takin' care of the children," Bella whispered to herself, shaking her head and dropping Rosalie.

"Something you'll _never_ be," Rosalie hissed back.

Bella's hands fisted at her sides, her nails biting into her palms. "You're right. I will _never_ be a Cullen, nor do I ever _want_ to be a Cullen. The only thing I ever wanted to be is a Whitlock." She threw a glare in Jaspers general direction. "But we both know karma seems to hate me," Bella growled.

Emmett and Jasper edged their way towards to the girls. Jasper pulled Bella back to his chest keeping an arm around her waist like an owner pulling the leash tight on his guard dog. Jasper and Bella relaxed at the presence of each other's touch. Like a circuit completing, hundreds of years of missed tears, laughs, dreams, pain, and loneliness were spanned—they were connected like two puzzle pieces finally fitting into their place. They were made for each other. Relieved that she didn't stiffen as much this time as Jasper pulled Bella to him and away from Rosalie and Emmett, he hugged her a little tighter to himself as they passed, willing calmness into the cracks of her emotions. Emmett growled at Bella, which she returned with a snarl of her own, making Jasper subconsciously squeeze her. Emmett frowned at Jasper and dragged a hissing Rosalie to the back to inspect her injuries.

"Well that was fun." Bella smirked when Emmett and Rosalie had left the room.

Emmett growled again but Bella simply rolled her eyes and made a mock hiss in his general direction.

"Would you please stop it?" Jasper finally asked, sighing as the weight of the emotions bouncing around the room started to settle into him. He hadn't realized how tight he was holding Bella until she tried to wiggle out of his arms.

"Let's go somewhere, just you and I, and we can finish this in peace?" He asked, skimming his nose along the side of her face like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do; like there wasn't over two hundred years of missed history between them.

She flinched away and wiggled out of his hold. "Lead the way," She consented, her red eyes sparkling with mischief.

Jasper nodded silently, turning to leave the way they had come in. He kept his eyes on the floor and no one spoke as Bella followed him. It wasn't that he didn't want his family there, it was Bella. She was too . . . out of control. He needed to take her somewhere to focus, where he could ask her questions and get straight answers without add-ons from the peanut gallery.

"Goodbye _Cullens_," Bella sneered their name like a filthy word.

Jasper cast a slight disapproving glance over his shoulder. She was the love of his life no doubt—but they were his family. They had been there when she hadn't. His heart tensed at the thought. It was his fault she hadn't been able to be there. He locked his eyes on the floor and tried to think about something else.

The pair made their way into the woods, sprinting side by side through the greenery, both keeping tabs on the other though they both knew neither would stray from the other. Force of habit after hundreds of years of separation one could only suppose.

"Where are we goin?" Bella asked after a few miles of silence.

"It's where I go when I want to be alone." His eyes met hers. "It's where I would go to think about you." He was quiet for a moment. "It's kind of my little secret."

Bella smiled. "Secret, huh?"

She could almost hear Jasper's eyes roll. "Yes, secret. No one knows about it. I keep it out of my head. I don't want anyone to know about it...well, besides you."

Bella couldn't help but smile even wider. Could they have something that was just theirs like before? No Cullens ;no war; no murderers; no nightmares; just them. A feeling of dread settled into the back of Bella's mind. Would it come crashing down again? She shook her head. No. It wasn't going to happen again. She was stronger now, nothing would come between them.

Bella's expression hardened a tiny bit. "I'm glad."

Jasper could feel her twinge of happiness, but also the dark feeling that had followed. Still, she was happy somewhere in there. Maybe this could work after all. Dread filled him after the thought; he still hadn't told Bella his story. His past was nothing but a bloodbath. It wouldn't add anything to their relationship; it would probably ruin her memory of him. Oh well, he thought, he couldn't lie to her.

"This way," he said as he banked a sharp right.

He pushed through a tangle of branches, stepping back so Bella could step through breath caught in her chest as she caught view of the ocean. The sun danced of the peaks of the waves, glittering like her skin in the sunlight. She tilted her head, smiling slightly as memories drifted forth from the tombs of her past. Jasper always did like the water. They'd talked about moving near the ocean when he came back. When he came back to raise a family . . . a cold vise tightened around her chest. The pictures faded.

_He had left her alone_.

"It's beautiful, how did you manage to find this place?" She asked, her voice stony as she looked out over the never ending water.

"Hunting. I found a herd of deer not far from here and just got lucky."

Bella's noise scrunched in disgust. "Don't you miss it?" She asked, running her tongue over her teeth.

"Miss what?"

"Real blood. Human blood"

Jasper sighed running his pale hand through his golden locks. "Yeah I do miss it, but I can't handle being a monster. Not again."

"So that's what you think I am? A monster?" She whirled, her jaw set, eyes narrowed.

"Of course not. Is the hawk a monster for hunting the rabbit? Your diet is your own choice and you have chose to do what is natural to you. But it's different for you."

Bella tilted her head. "Different?"

"You don't feel all of their emotions when you suck the life out of them; there is nothing worse than that final feeling of defeat—of knowing you are going to die. I don't think I could go back to that."

She just shrugged. "Everybody dies." Jasper just stared at her, his mouth slightly open. She shook her head. "Can we talk about what happened to you?"

He nodded rubbing the back of his neck. "Wanna sit? This is going to take a while."

"Alright." She walked to a mass of tree roots and plopped down, crossing her legs. "Begin."

Jasper smiled when he saw where Bella sat. He had always imagined her here with him, smiling as she rested her head on his shoulder at his secret spot-nothing to bother them, not even family members. However, Bella wasn't smiling, and he was pretty sure she didn't want to cuddle. She was staring at him with her eye brows raised, her toe bobbling impatiently. Contempt was practically oozing from her every pore. He moved to sit beside her, keeping himself close to her yet respecting the space she still obviously wanted. His fingers itched to hold her hand.

"Where do you want me to begin?

She made an expression of mock thoughtfulness."Well, Jas, the beginning is always a great place."

He nodded and smiled at the heavy sarcasm. "After I you that morning I went straight into the military as planned. We fought and mostly we were winning and it was because of me in a big way. My battle smarts got me promoted to Major pretty fast because of it. At first it was great. Everyone respected me and the units I led rarely had more than three or four casualties. But after a while I just wanted it to be done so I could go home . . . because I had someone at home waiting for me." He gave her a tiny smile, she didn't return it, making him sigh and continued."I was doing my usual patrol one night when I came upon these three women." He paused, feeling the air shift. "They whispered to each other. I couldn't hear what they were saying. I thought maybe they were lost. They didn't look like they were from here so I thought maybe . . . I don't know what I thought. I just wanted to make sure they were okay. I asked if they needed help. It was part of the job. Next thing I know these women are ripping me off my horse and . . . and they were _biting_ me. They bit me and my whole body felt like it was being incinerated.

"I'm not sure how long it went for. It seemed like ages. Carlisle says the change lasts for only three days. When I woke up I wasn't in the same place as before, and I didn't feel like myself. I was in an old abandoned barn. No animals, no nothing besides some other young vampires. I had this God awful headache. It was their emotions in my head. I was terrified. I didn't know how to control it or what it even was. When Maria had gotten word I had woken up she came to me right away herself."

"Maria?" Bella interrupted, cocking a brow.

"She was the one who changed me." He voice became lower as he continued. "She used me like a puppet, a play thing and I did anything for her."

"What do you mean play thing?" Bella asked, her jaw clenching in anger.

"War," Jasper said softly. "She needed me to train the other vampires and when she was through with them I would have to kill them. If I did good I would get a human to feed on or do some kind of privilege. She let me do whatever I wanted with the humans. I was so angry and depressed and confused that I didn't care who I was hurting. I was just using them as toys just like Maria was using me."

"Did you sleep with them?" Bella's shoulders hunched and she crossed her arms over her chest, turning her head away and closing her eyes.

Jasper was silent for a minute before he slowly brought his eyes to her, shamefaced. "Yes I did. I swear to you Bella I regret each and every time I ever let her touch me. After each time I sunk deeper into hating myself because I felt your anger and disappointment and I couldn't stand it. But I didn't know any other way to live so I had to stay with Maria. I was so afraid."

Bella's face scrunched. "You felt my anger and disappointment?"

"You were my angel, Isabella, you were by my side as soon as I woke up from my change. I could feel you watching all that I did. I could feel everything that you would feel or do."

Bella's face hardened. "I am not your Isabella anymore, Jasper."

Jasper's chest caved in. "I know," he whispered.

"Did you even try to get away from her?"

"I didn't know where I was. I didn't know there was any other way to live after my change. She never let me out of her sight. I thought I had died and gone to hell! I didn't know you were just miles away and not states away. I didn't even know you existed anymore! I didn't know anything at the time! She taught me everything, and I thought she loved me. I was her Major; I took care of everything leaving everything behind. Sure I could feel you in there, but you were so clouded by everyone else's emotions that I just couldn't _feel_ you. Yes you did give me love, but Maria was there and gave me love that I thought was true."

"So you just forgot me." It wasn't a question. He had said it. Maria had offered his something that he had felt strongly enough to make him forget all about her.

"I thought I was never going to see you again! I didn't even know if you were real! I thought Maria was all I had! How could I have pushed her away?"

"Because you had _me_!" she screamed, leaping to her feet. "How could you?"

"Seriously, Isabella? You expect me to believe that you haven't been with anyone after all these years?"

"Yes!" Bella screamed. "I never even looked twice at a man! Never! I loved _you_! I would _never_ betray you like that! Every night I went home _alone._"

Jasper's mouth popped open, stunned. No one? She hadn't been with anyone. He couldn't decide wither or not he liked the fact that she had only been with him. He felt a terrible feeling tear though him: loneliness. All those years she had spent alone with nothing but memories of his abandonment haunting her. He wanted nothing more than to gather her up in his arms and take it all away, but he couldn't. He could never repair what had been lost in his name. She had never loved nor been loved by another. He pitied her deeply. He knew in hindsight that what he had felt for Maria was not love, but she had been there. She was a body, someone to hold, someone to tell him it was all going to be okay. Bella had been all alone.

When Jasper spoke, his voice was shallow, guilty. "Why? Why haven't you tried to move on?"

"Because I loved you and that meant something."

A stake couldn't have made the pain he felt in her heart any clearer in his own chest. Her words were like cigarette's being pressed to his bare skin; each one a deep, scaring burn.

Jasper continued, his voice rambling and reproachful. "After each kill, human or not, I would sink deeper into depression but you stayed with me. Hate, death, lust, and a little love surrounded me every day. You were so upset with what I had become it was driving me insane. I was about to crack when Peter came into my life. He became my second in command and my best friend. He's the only one that knows everything I remember about my human life, and what little I remember about you." He tried to meet her eyes but she wouldn't look at him. "It was much but it was something. I told him about my angel. He was becoming my somewhat escape from the hell I was living in but soon he was dealing with his own problems. He had found a mate. Charlotte had joined us a year prior. She was . . . older. Inevitably we had too many older vampires and not enough room for the new trainee's. Maria told me that Charlotte and the other older ones had reached their expiration.

"I was supposed to kill Charlotte but I didn't I couldn't do that to Peter. He was my best friend- my brother-so I let them run away. I didn't want them to suffer any more than what they already had. So I let them go. "

Bella said nothing, but she was watching him again.

"I didn't want Peter suffer anymore." Jasper laughed hysterically. "I didn't want him to become _me_. After they left it was back to the old grind again. I had no one. I killed without remorse. I simply didn't care anymore. I was so alone. I killed more than what Maria wanted me to, but we still won, and that's all that mattered so she didn't care what I did. If I was going to do it I was going to do it damn right and I did just that. Every battle we won I would get a reward, human women, to do with whatever I pleased. Most of the time I just drained them. I didn't always play with them, but a lot of them I did. More than I should have. I just . . . I hated myself and I took it out on everything and anything. It was a year later Peter and Char came back for me and they helped me get out.

"After I left I stayed with Peter and Char for a few more years. We hunted in moderation and only took what was necessary to survive. I was happy to be away from the constant pain but the killing was still getting to me. I was moping around all the time. They knew I was; I knew I was, but I didn't know how to change it. Living with them didn't help. They loved each other very much and they showed it a lot. You'd think their emotions would have lifted my own, but I was so lonely it made me sick. So I left. I've seen em' a few times since then. They're great. They have happy with life with each other.

"I was alone for a while when I finally met Alice." A soft smile came upon his face when he spoke about his pixie sister. "We met at this diner, and she told me how she had been waiting for me and that I didn't have to be depressed anymore and how we could have a different life with these Cullen's and that she was going to find her mate once we met the Cullens and that I would be happy. I thought she was freakin' nuts but I believed her because I so desperately needed someone in my life. And ya' know I did become happy—or at least happ_ier_. I wasn't a monster anymore. I was feeding off of animals now and I had family that loved me. I'm not as happy as I could be but I am _happy_. If it wasn't for Peter or the Cullen 's I probably would still be with Maria doing God knows what."

It was quiet after he stopped talking. Bella turned and stared out into the water her arms wrapped around herself. A soft wind moved her hair around her face. All she could picture was Jasper surrounded by fire and smoldering bodies; him in his uniform that she helped him get dressed in ripped and bloody. His eyes black as coal, his hair matted with dirt and blood. She pictured him with other women, their nails and bloody lips all over his body. Disgust filled her.

Still, she figured, this was one of those times where it was best to count your blessings. She was grateful that he had left Maria when he gotten the chance, proud of him because he changed his diet because he didn't want to be a monster anymore. Human blood was something she didn't think she would ever give up. She was angry at him for actually thinking that someone else could love him as much as she had, and she was flaming that he thought she would move on. She was pissed that Maria had played those games with Jasper. Yeah, she thought, predominantly she was pissed, and the bullshit outweighed the blessings.

Bella sighed. "Where does this leave us Jasper?" she asked still staring out at the water, the wind blowing her hair out of her face now.

"I don't know. I want to make this work; I know I fucked up when I was with Maria, but—"

"No shit."

"—you are what I want." Jasper got up and stood next to Bella looking out at the angry black water that was lapping at the sharp rocks below. "Angel, I know I fucked up. But I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my existence I didn't expect you to be real. And even if you were, I never really thought I'd find you after all I had done. I thought you were lost to me. I just didn't want to be alone."

"After all of you've done, after all the years have changed us, do you really think we could make it? You really think I can forgive you? You think you can love this?" She gestured to herself.  
"Jasper it was just days and you were with Maria, I know you didn't remember much about me but you said I was there in the back of your mind. I shouldn't be asking myself why. From the day we met, to the night you left, I loved you—I still love you, somehow. Somehow I still love your stupid ass. But I am not who I was, and you are not who you were. Those people who fell in love with each other died a long, long time ago. We've killed so many people, maybe not all in war, but we've destroyed so many lives and you . . . all of those women." She shook her head. "I know that's all you knew Jas, and I know she tricked you, and I know you were vulnerable. I know I wasn't there, I know I couldn't protect you. It hurts that I couldn't protect you; that I couldn't save you like _Alice_ or the _Cullen's_ did," she spat.

He turned to her, his voice desperate, pleading. "But you _did_ save me! You did protect me! I would have been so much worse if you hadn't been there, you may not have been with me in person but you were here," he grabbed her hand and placed it over his heart. "You helped me more than Alice or the Cullens ever did."

Bella pulled her hand away gently. "That may be so Jasper, but me, personally, I wasn't there and we did change. I'm so happy that some part of my stayed with you, but there is still a huge hole inside of me. A hole in the shape of you, but I don't know if you fit that mold anymore." Her throat closed slightly with her words.

"What if I can? What if we tried? What if we made a new mold? We need to try, angel; I can't go back to what I was. We belong together Bella; we have a second chance to be together. Why not take that chance?"

Bella just looked up at him from under her lashes, her expression unsure.

"Please, Bella," Jasper said after a minute, his voice deflated, tired. "I just got you back. Please don't take that away from me."

"Are you sure you want to take this chance, Jasper Whitlock?" She asked turning to him, her face serious.

He pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "For you. I'm willing to take this chance for you, Isabella Swan—er, Bella. Whatever your name is I don't care. I love _you._"

She gave him a soft smile. "Your family, they're too much for me," she said, crossing her arms.

He tilted his head to the side. "Too much?"

"I've spent the past million years on my own. No family, no one to tell me what to do or how to live. I can't just . . . I don't know. I'm just not a people person."

Jasper smiled. "Not a people person, huh?"

"I'm not the nicest person in the world. I don't get along well with others."

He cupped her face in her hands and kissed her nose. "They don't matter; it's about me and you right now. We can go back to your place that you're staying at."

"Do you really think this is going to work? Me and you?"

He placed his forehead on top of hers. "Yes, I know we will."

"Things aren't going to always be this easy."

"I know they won't."

"I'm not a push over anymore."

"No you're kind of an asshole." Bella tensed in his arms. "But I kind of like it," he added in a whisper.

Bella laughed. "I really hate your family."

"You'll learn to love them."

"It'll be a long hard road. Won't happen overnight."

"I don't expect it to."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this." She brought met his gaze with a sharp glare. "You better not fuck up." She warned.

"I can't promise anythin' but I'll try."

"Your accent is comin' back."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a very good thing. It's like lookin' at how you used to be. When you were mine."

Jasper smiled, genuinely, for the first time in a very long time.

"Then it's a great thing."


	7. Sorry!

Long time huh? I'm so so so so sorry for not updating! I have gotten tons of reviews that warm my heart and follows that make me tingle with joy! I have gotten my groove back with the story I actually started at it last night about midnight and couldn't stop. The chapter isn't as long as I like so I'm going to keep going I will give it to my awesome beta who hopefully gives it back as soon as she can! I haven't given this up! I promise!

Hope to see you soon!

Twilightgirl80


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own anything besides the plot and Emma and Spencer and my fantastic beta! Hope you guys like! More hopefully soon. Let me know what you think. Also for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews warm my heart sorry I didn't reply to all of them! On with the story...**

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The reunited couple sat side by side, their legs dangling off the edge as they spoke. The girl's legs swung casually, both of them speaking in rapid vampire tongue, both of them catching up on the moments they had been missed. They felt out each other's wounds, learning the hardships they had faced in their time apart. Jasper spoke of guilt, the burn of the hunger, the pain of separation. Bella spoke of the years she had spent on the edge of sanity, just barely hanging onto herself, of the ghost of her past come back to life.

Neither spoke of their child.

"So tell me about this Spencer," Jasper asked quietly, her legs still swinging to match the rhythm of Bella's.

Bella cocked an eyebrow; a tight smile touched her lips. "He is . . . was . . . my best friend. I don't know where I would be in this 'life' if I hadn't . . . if he hadn't found me. I don't know how much of 'me' would be left." Bella's fingers formed air quotations around the word _me._ Jasper smiled at the cute mannerism.

"He became the protective older brother that, no matter how long I went without talking to him, he never left me. He didn't leave when I was moody with him and he didn't leave when God forbid I tell him his dirty jokes weren't funny." She said with a slight laugh, her eyes far away. "He was the most important thing in my life. He kept me goin', made me hunt when needed it, he didn't let me lose this." She tapped her temple. "He kept me safe when I refused to feed." She smiled fondly. "Dragged my useless carcass all over this damn country."

Jasper felt a pang of jealously echo deep inside him, but he kept quiet, smiled, encouraging her to continue.

"But anyway, then Emma came into our lives," the corner's of her smile turned down ever so slightly. "Spencer instantly fell for her." She dropped her eyes, her chin following, her posture defensive. "I think that's the one time Spencer actually _hurt_ me. He didn't mean to. The hurt stemmed much more from my own problems than the fact that he had found happiness. I was just jealous that they were happy with each other and, once again, _I_ was alone." Bella's body was rigid as old feelings began to stir, she had stopped breathing, her stillness surreal.

Jasper took her hand again into both of his. She jerked at the touch, instinctively drawing away.

Jasper swallowed the hurt and let go of her hand. "He sounds like a great person, I'm glad you he found you. I'm glad you weren't alone the whole time. I'm sorry you have been broken for so long." Bella's gaze stayed locked on the landscape below. She folded her hands in her lap and stayed quiet. "But you know you're not alone anymore." A beat. "Isabella?"

"It remains to be seen," she replied softly.

Jasper frowned. "You shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling what you did. Our emotions are so much more vivid now. Sometimes they just get away from us." He thought of the years he had spent dwelling in his guilt over leaving her behind. "Sometimes they even consume us."

"It doesn't really matter. In the end it was me who ruined our friendship. It was, is, hard to see people happy together. All I could see in them is what you and I were supposed to have been. Spencer and I would fight over the most trivial of things. Maybe it was for the attention? I mean, was I jealous of Emma? I guess so. It had been just me and Spens' for so long. I was acting like a child in the beginnin' of their relationship but I got over it, or learned to live with it. And in time, Emma became a good friend, too."

"It can all be different now though, Isabella. We can start a whole new life. I can give you what you need! I can give you what you want—"

"Do not presume to know what I want, Jasper."

Jasper sighed. "We can give you love, Isabella. We can give you _family_."

Bella gave him a sidelong look. "I don't think I'm cut out for _family_. I told you, I'm not a people person."

"Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"That was kind of the point of coming out here," she responded, sarcasm weighing heavily on her words. It was wearing her down, his determination to integrate her into his little group. She truly had no desire.

Jasper smiled."What did he look like?"

Her expression changed in a flash. A pit formed in her gut as she pictured her child's small form in her arms. She could picture him, his soft brown curls, the brilliant blue of his eyes, his little nose, his chubby little fingers. She could still see him in her mind as if she had just laid him down to sleep, could still smell the cloying smell of babies, could still feel his little hand squeeze her pinky finger in that brief moment they had shared.

Her ruby eyes glazed over with tears that would never touch her cheeks. Jasper carefully took her still form into his arms. She didn't lean into the embrace, but neither did she move away. Perhaps that terrible sadness was the strongest tether they had to one another. After so many years apart, the people they were simply didn't exist anymore. It felt like they were meeting again for the first time. But that child, and the loss of that child, was as fresh and as sharp as the day it had manifested in the wake of his death. Bella lifted her eyes to his, met a pair of golden eyes that bore the same heaviness that hers did. Exhausted from the effort of holding herself together, she dropped her head, and her shield, the sadness seeping out of her like a poison into his skin. She buried her face in the crook of his neck as she leaned weakly against him, pushing every agonizing memory through his veins.

Jasper sat silently, his heart shattering with each new flavor of pain that fluxed through his heart. The loss of a loved one, a child, the fear, and the acceptance of death, the misery of abandonment, the depression, the hatred, mistrust, suffering, and at last, the bitter hardening of her heart. Some of the feelings were familiar, pain he himself had tasted throughout the years. But hers, hers were so much more _intense_. He cradled tight to him, her form like a ragdoll in his strong arms. He whispered in her ear, desperate to comfort her, and maybe himself, to ease his own pain, his own guilt, to know he had left a strong woman, a capable woman. She had pulled through; they were here now, together.

"It wasn't your fault," he whispered fiercely, tightening his embrace. "You were an amazing mother. You showed him love. We're together now, Bella. I'll never let you go again, Isabella. You'll never have to be alone like that again. Ever, I promise, on my life I swear I won't ever leave you like that again."

Jasper could hear his shirt tearing a little from the hold she had on it but it didn't matter. That shirt didn't matter, what they had had all those years ago before he had left her didn't matter, was putting back the pieces of the girl he loved so dearly. To take away the pain of the child he felt they had lost only the day before. He felt awful for bringing him up but he couldn't help it. He had felt a right to know, at least in memory, his little boy. Carefully he ran his fingers through her hair, massaging the nape of her neck.

She hated feeling vulnerable, open. She was climbing the walls in her mind but being in Jasper's arms felt so right, felt like home.

_Home, like where he left you to go play war._

Bella's eyes shot open, she jerked out of his arms. Jasper frowned, taking her face into his hands. "I promise, Bella. I'll never make you feel like that again."

Jasper could feel her doubt clouding his sincerity, but he didn't press any further. It would take time for her to come back from what she had been through. Maybe she saw the hurt he was trying to hide from her, maybe she was just tired of pretending like she didn't care, but whatever the reason she leaned her head forward until their noses just barely brushed. Both eyes, crimson and gold, shone with the ghosts, the mistakes, the pains of their past, and yet, a new hope dared to flicker. Perhaps they could pull through this.

"Tell me more about him," Jasper asked quietly. "Please."

Bella's smile was ever so slight, her eyes downcast in remembrance. "The resemblance was uncanny. He had your eyes, you nose, your lips." Her fingers traced along his face. "He had my hair color, but even that had a little bit of you in it." Her hand carefully lifted to play with the curls at the base of his neck.

Jasper smiled softly.

"I remember it amazed me how somethin' so small could weigh so much, how well he fit into my arms, how perfect he was. It was the best feelin', you know, how good it felt to feel such love again. He was the only reason I survived those nine long months and that he was finally here, that he was so small his little hand couldn't even wrap around my finger." Her eyes closed her eyes tight against the memory. She buzzed with emotion. "It was minutes Jasper . . . minutes and he was gone. His big blue eyes just faded into this dark gray color. His hand left my finger, his little chest was so still. At first I didn't understand. Then . . . then Carlisle took him out of my arms." Her arms formed a cradle as if he was still there, still pressed to her heart.

"I was in such a shock I couldn't . . . I couldn't move! Everything was moving in slow-motion. I was so _confused._ Then Carlisle came back . . .he came back without him. He didn't say anything, he was just shaking his head. Shaking his head like . . . like shit happens." Bella shot back, her eyes dark. Jasper leaned away, giving her space. "I screamed and cried—I _begged_ him to bring him back to me. And, he did."

Jasper's brow knit. "I don't understand . . . I thought . . .?"

"I held my dead baby for over an hour," she continued as if he hadn't spoken, her eyes far away. "I couldn't let him go. I couldn't I just couldn't he was all I had left and he was gone he was just gone. I, I , I, he was just, Jasper he was _all_ I had!" The desperation in her voice cut him deep. "The midwife finally had to take him away. They just took him. They buried him next to you." Bella's voice dropped off as if she had just walked off a ledge. Her arms wrapped around herself, her posture again defensive, eyes closed to the world.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Bella," he said softly, reaching for her.

Bella eyes snapped open. They were bright, aggressive. "I don't need your pity, Jasper."

Jasper leaned back. "Of course you don't."

Bell stayed silent.

"Why don't we go see him?"

"No."

"Bella—"

"I haven't been back there since I turned. I'm not going back."

"—I want to see my son."

"You won't see your son, Jasper. All that's there is some dirt and a rock."

Jasper frowned, his chest tight. "Bella, please."

"I've been okay, Jasper. I've been okay for a long time, and if I go back . . ." he voice trailed.

"I'll be right there, Bella. You won't be alone."

_You won't be alone._

"So you keep tellin' me."

"Maybe it was for the best, Bella," he said pushing back a piece of hair that was falling.

Bella scowled, her gaze sharp.

"You did say that you felt someone was watching you, yes? What if he got to our little one before he even touched you? Maybe it was a blessing. Now we both know he's up in heaven keeping his eye on us. And he didn't suffer at all right?"

"No. No he didn't."

"Then let's be happy that he didn't suffer and now he's safe and happy."

_Be happy, Bella. Be happy without him, like you were supposed to be happy without me._

Bella tensed and pushed the voice away. He was here now, she pressed her nails into her palms.

_For now_, the voice taunted.

Jasper tucked her into his arms. "We will get through all of this, Bella. Together."

Bella laid her head on Jasper's shoulder, his chin resting on top of her head as his fingers worked their way through her hair. She felt herself relaxing into him, getting somewhat used to his touch, his closeness, the comfort of friendship.

Someone was coming. The brief moment of comfort shattered in an instant as she leapt to her feet, her eyes dark, her body tense, listening as the footsteps drew closer and closer. The bushes shook as the couple stepped through the foliage, their hands clasped together. Edward and Alice. A hiss tore through her throat. What are they doing here? Had they followed them?

"What are you doin' here?" Bella snarled.

Bella stood, her entire body wired, ready to launch in an instant. Jasper was beside her in an instant, wary, prepared to stop her, his finger tips just barely brushing the small of his back.

"We're here to talk." Alice's said, her hand outstretched as if to wave a white flag.

"We don't want you here!" Bella's response was razor edged. "Remember, we left."

"Bella," Jasper said softly.

"Shut up," Bella hissed, swatting his hand away.

Edward and Jasper exchanged looks.

"I know," Alice said carefully. "We've come to say that we apologize for the way Rose treated you. She's just protective of us, she doesn't like anyone new."

"I don't need an apology. She wasn't anythin' I couldn't handle myself." Bella gave them a tight lipped smile, slowly beginning to stand straighter, her body defensive but at ease. Jasper's hand pressed more firmly on her lower back. Bella glared. Stepped away from the contact.

Alice bit her lip. A nervous habit. Something so human, something Bella used to do, something Jasper used to love. Anger spiked through her.

"We, Edward and I, are happy that you found Jasper. Hopefully he'll be bearable to be around," Alice joked, letting out a light giggle.

"Who said he was comin' back?" Bella asked her, one perfect eyebrow raised in question, arms crossed.

Alice tapped her temple with a slim finger. "I know a lot more than you do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella snapped, reflexively throwing a shield around herself and Jasper. Jasper and Alice gasped, feeling their abilities slip away.

Edward pulled Alice back, wrapping his arms around her protectively. "Bella, we're just trying to be civil here. There's no need to strip them of their abilities. Alice is just trying to help bring you into—"

"I never asked to be a part of your _family_! I don't care what that girl _thinks_ she knows. I don't want her, or you, or _you_," she snapped, whirling on Jasper, "in my head messin' with my thoughts and feelin's!"

Jasper felt like he'd been slapped. "Bella, I'm not trying to manipulate your emotions."

Bella just glared

Jasper stood. What more was there to say? How could he make her understand? These other vampires, they weren't the enemy. They were here to keep her safe. But God only knew if she even remembered what it was like to feel that way. To know what it was to have a friend, somebody she could lean on, someone she could . . . trust. Jasper sighed. He wanted to reach out to her, he wanted to tell her how proud he was, how much he wanted to help her. But the girl who stood before him—the vampire—she didn't need his help. She had lived on her own, fought, crawled, scraped, and dragged herself through the years without anyone. She was true to her nature, and why wouldn't she be?

Jasper turned to Edward and Alice and said very quietly. "You two knew not to come, I'm sure whatever needs to be said can wait until later. You both knew she needed space." He put his hand on Bella's shoulder, his grip firm. "Bella will lift her shield," he smirked when he heard her scoff, "when she's ready."

Bella opened her mouth to protest, but Jasper's grip on her shoulder tightened, and she didn't need his ability to understand the message. _Quiet._

"But Jazz!" Alice complained. Edward squeezed her hand. Even without being able to hear his brother's or his mate's thoughts, he knew he and Alice wouldn't win.

"Let's go, Alice. They'll come back when they're ready. Let's go back and let the family know."

With a pout Alice turned on her heel. It wasn't her way, but many paths lead to the same place. It didn't matter, she knew their futures. Bella just needed more time, and that they could spare.

"Really, Jasper? 'Jazz'?"

"Something she's called me since we met. No matter how many times I tell her I don't like it."

Neither did she. "How did they know we were here?"

Jasper shrugged. "As soon as you said you wanted to talk I thought of this place. I can't believe they actually found it with just that glimpse."

Her body relaxed a little knowing he hadn't lied about this spot being a secret. In which case, they had had even less of a right to come barging in. Nosey ass fuckers. Bella, wrapped her arms around herself sitting at the base of a tall old tree. She folded her hands in her lap as Jasper came to join her.

A hawk hovered above, floating draft high above them. Bella watched, her eyes fixed on the beautiful creature. "Tell me more about Peter and Charlotte?" She asked quietly.


End file.
